Fridays Favorite Things: Fire Hoses

Tweet Pee is constantly attempting to rescue people from burning buildings. However, he does not do this by running inside flame-riddled domiciles in hopes of finding any living, breathing thing to carry out over his shoulders. Tweet Pee merely races to the site of said inferno -once the Fire Chief projects the instantly recognizable Tweet Pee symbol- in the hopes of arriving before the local engine ladder company, so that he may begin urinating on the edifice in question.

Tweet Pee tries to douse the flames with his whiz, but often withdraws at the onset of any uncomfortable warmth in his pecker region. Luckily, by the time this dangerous heat begins to be felt, the local fire precinct has most likely arrived leaving Tweet Pee to zip up and withdraw at the behest of the real heroes, the men who so bravely wield the Fire Hoses...Tweet Pee's favorite thing this Friday.

The deploying of a fire hose is more or less a scale recreation of an urgent six hour delay between trips to drain the weasel. While the force from a fire hose can knock a man off of his feet, often times a long spell without urination can cause a man to use a wall in order to brace himself for the process of bladder emptying. Sure a long delayed-piss can't put out a large scale building fire, but it can certainly put a damper on a blaze lit by camping enthusiasts.

However, with the existence of fire hoses, Tweet Pee has little reason to risk life and "limb" by participating in the act of dousing dangerous blazes. And any invention that insures Tweet Pee's member will remain a valuable and useful member of society has to be one of Tweet Pee's Favorite Things.

Pee-lice Blotter: Don't Do The Dew

While the Indian public are gearing up to enjoy their cow piss sodie pop, not everyone in the world is eager to voluntarily imbibe carbonated beverages containing blasts of bladder juice. That, however, did not stop two students at Connecticut's Hartford Union High School from serving up scandalous sipping samples containing natural leakage to two trusting and thirsty pupils at one of the school's recent basketball games.

After carrying out the repugnant practical joke the offending parties sent out an email notifying the student body just who weased the juice. Unfortunately, that email ended up in the inbox of an administrator and the two students were then arrested.

Sadly, that's where the flow of information ends. Tweet Pee is currently unaware if the two offending parties are Chinese or if they told a joke before carrying out the prank. If we find out more, we'll let you know.

Scientific Pee-Search: Are Urinals The New Flower Pots?

It's not a rare occurrence for human beings to go whizzing in the woods while on a camping trip or in an emergency on the side of the road, but it's not as if when we do so we express even the slightest concern for the life of the plant we inevitably go on. We're more concerned with accidentally brushing our genitalia on Poison Sumac or hoping a ravenous animal doesn't attack our nether regions in the process. As it turns out, our lack of worry for our natural leafy surroundings in such a situation may indeed be justified.

Apparently the phosphorus and nitrogen in our pee may actually help plants grow. Some Swiss folk have even come up with a "biological waste treatment process" to remove these two elements from golden flow in order to use it as fertilizer. This finding has also inspired an art installation entitled drinkpeedrinkpeedrinkpee, which takes a look at our ability to convert urine into houseplant fertilizer or even drinking water. The creatives behind the project, Britta Riley and Rebecca Bray, have since unleashed a DIY Fertilizer kit on their project page.

Tweet Pee is currently more interested in drinking his own tap water, but thinks such a kit might come in handy if he's ever trapped under a bookcase after an earthquake and can't reach the faucet.

via BoingBoing

Oh The Places I Go: Two For Tuesday

Life's been a little busy for Tweet Pee as of late. He's been slacking in his mission to show you some of the finest Pee spots in all of NYC. The past few days saw two new entrants into the Urinal Hall of Fame.

The first place Tweet Pee spelled relief on Saturday evening was at Brownstone Billiards/Oceans 8 on Flatbush Ave. in Park Slope. The bathroom had two urinals, including one on the short side. Though I didn't have to get on my tippy toes for the tall one, being a not-so-tall person himself Tweet Pee showed solidarity with his below average height brethren and whizzed it up at the low set latrine.

It wasn't until Monday when Tweet Pee took in the Best Picture-winning Slumdog Millionaire at the Pavilion Theater off of Prospect Park that he found himself at yet another unfamiliar urinal. There were three of those and two stalls that he found upon entry and seeing as the door to the Men's room did not close very well, Tweet Pee found himself shuffling through the narrow space to the second urinal so that his best friend (seeing as he doesn't have a dog) could not be seen by bathroom passers by. It was a tight fit, but Tweet Pee and his Pee Pee passed with flying colors before taking in the excellent film.

Sorry to leave all of my eager readers hanging. We know you've been thirsty for more Tweet Pee news and there's not enough toilet water to tide you over. It won't happen again.

Urine The Movies: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Update: Urine Luck...Barry Bonds!

It seems like just yesterday Tweet Pee was boasting of the busted-ness of Baseball Star Barry Bonds thanks to the seal being broken on Federal Records seized from BALCO way back in 2003. The records seemed to indicate that Bonds' pee was not exactly roid-free.

Despite the incriminating scent emanating from his urine samples, a judge ruled yesterday that "Exhibit P" in the Bonds' case was as good as flushed. Claiming the Steroid Slugger's stream samples as inadmissible evidence due to the fact that prosecutors were not able to conclusively show that they belonged to Bonds, U.S. district court judge Susan Illston threw the baby (or in this case the urine) out with the bathwater (or in this case, the toilet water). She also threw out the potential use of doping calendars (exhibit Q) maintained by Bonds' trainer Greg Anderson...meaning that in order to nail the mercurial SuperAsshole Athlete, Bonds' trainer himself would have to testify...which is unlikely.

The whole thing seems to put a damper (pun always intended) on the idea of seeing Bonds behind bars for lying to a grand jury, seeing as there is no perm(p)issible evidence. Oh well, so much for that.

Favorite Things Friday: Water Guns

Long ago Tweet Pee vowed that it was time to put away childish things. Fortunately, when he put them away he stored them in a bin labeled "childish things' just in case he felt like picking them back up again. If you visited that storage area right now you'd be able to find at least four different incarnations of today's topic for Friday's Favorite things, The Water Gun.

Yes, not only is a water gun the perfect toy to excite children about the prospect of potentially going to war when they get older, but unleashing that deadly flow from a super soaker bears an uncanny resemblance to the sort of action one gets after being stuck on three hour car ride and finally making it to the bathroom to drain one's bladder. The pump action release turns a plastic toy into a howitzer, much like your pee-pee awaiting a long delayed whiz.

The results are more or less frozen ropes of liquid that can tag a target at 20 yards. Both are weapons of mass soak action. Though after long car rides Tweet Pee does not recommend trying to hit a moving human target with your bladder stream. You'll probably get your ass kicked. Stick to the bowl/urinal...and for simulating the urgent flow, stick to the water gun, Tweet Pee's favorite thing for this Friday.

Today In History: Ozzy Remembers To Go On The Alamo

Everybody has to "go" some time. Though it's certainly more interesting when super famous people do it and get in trouble for it; then it goes right down in the annals of pee history. One such historic event took place twenty-seven years ago today, when the Ozzy Osbourne (a.k.a. The Blizzard of Oz, a.k.a guy who used to bite the heads off of flying animals) breezed into to San Antonio, Texas and tinkled on it's most famous landmark.

No, the Ozzman didn't goeth on famed San Antonio native Tommy Lee Jones or the Spurs various NBA championship trophies, instead he chose to relieve himself on the building that supposedly housed Pee-Wee Herman's bike. If you haven't figured out what we're getting at...Ozzy took a whiz on The Alamo!

As the story goes, just after 11am on the morning of February 19th, 1982, the drunken Prince of Darkness himself (wearing his soon-to-be wife Sharon's dress), moseyed on over and let loose on the historic site where Santa Anna and his Mexican Army of 2,000 strong defeated the military forces of Texas back in 1836, in the most famous battle of The Texas Revolution.

The heavy metal icon was taken into police custody and he never drank again or peed again. The end. Actually that's not true. Ozzy was promptly banned from setting foot in San Antonio for the next decade. All's well that ends well though, when Ozzy finally returned he donated $10,000 to the landmark he desecrated with his bodily fluids. What a guy!

If Urine Israel, Urine For A Political Fight

Israeli Politics isn't one of the topics on which Tweet Pee enjoys pontificating, mostly because he does not have a breadth of knowledge on the subject. All he knows is that there was an election recently and that they still haven't figured out who will be their next Prime Minister.

As a late comer to the carnival that is the race to control the Knesset, the only real fact that Tweet Pee has learned is that one party alone in this campaign stood up for the people's right to not get urinated on by a man on a diving board. That party was Brit Olam, or the "For Our Children Party."



Brit Olam's campaign commercial urged voters not to "let them pee on us anymore" and Tweet Pee is assuming that this message rang out loud and clear, proving wildly successful unless the majority of the Israelis are indeed fetishists or their urine tastes like Formula Pee. We're not sure who Brit Olam's lead candidate was, but we're sure he'll enjoy a fruitful run as Israeli Prime Minister should he keep his penchant for delivering poolside golden showers in his pants.

Urine For A Treat

There were many wonderful candy choices for Tweet Pee growing up. Fun Dip, Nerds, and of course yellow life savers were always heavy on the mind of his sweet tooth. All of those tasty treats came in distinctly different packages, but each one seemed to make sense for the deliciousness they dispensed. Life savers came in a roll, Fun dip in the packet with the stick, and Nerds had the two seperate chambers filled with crunchy, candy goodness.

Common sense seemed to reign supreme in the commercial design world when it came to containing precious bits of sugar-coated goodness, but still something wasn't right. The Royal we couldn't help but feel that there was still room for improvement. It wasn't until today that Tweet Pee realized exactly what was missing in the confectionery cosmos.


Luckily, someone figured out the great packaging mystery that has plagued the Sweets Universe for all this time. Who knows, if it weren't for the folks at Nifty Candy we, as a society, might have never figured out that we should be enjoying sour liquid candy with tangy lemon flavor from an actual urine specimen jar. Praise the lord, Tweet Pee has seen the light.


The golden liquid is not the only option being offered as part of their line of Medicinal Candy. Also available in the former pee pods are colorful and yummy kidney stones, cure-all candy pills, and the overtly therapeutic "Sour Spanks Jelly Beans."

If enjoying a stream sample in a jar is not your thing, then urine luck. You can have your pick of bodily fluids litter and enjoy samples of saccharine-heavy saliva, honeyed hemoglobin, and of course, even more candied pee as part of the company's "Crime Scene Candy." Mmm...Mmmm...maybe.



Via Nerd Approved

Tweet Pee's Lyrical Flow: Public Enemy

"I urinated on the state, while I was kickin' this song."

Chuck D of Public Enemy- "By The Time I Get To Arizona"
from the Album Apocalypse 91...The Enemy Strikes Black

Urine The Movies: Cheech & Chong's Next Movie

Oh The Places I Go: Tweet Pee's Lower East Side Adventure

Last night, Tweet Pee hit up the town for some serious misadventures in hitting the sauce. Luckily there was no babysitting involved. That would've been a lost cause. The first stop on Tweet Pee's Tour De Flow was Rosario's Pizza on Orchard and Stanton, where both a plain slice and a Margherita slice were scarfed down along with a small bottle of water to make Tweet Pee feel like a river and let the water overflow. Curiously, the bathroom at Rosario's had a poster of San Sebastian, Spain. While Rosario's makes some fine Italian cuisine, they don't necessarily do their part in contributing to their home country's tourism industry as Tweet Pee had the urge to stream live content from Spain afterwards.

Next up on the pee program was a move to The Annex, where Tweet Pee enjoyed some fine music courtesy the artists performing at the Poptank Records showcase. In between some excellent performances Tweet Pee made a p-line for the Men's room where he showed he was indeed a "whiz kid" and despite not having stickers like the members of Maniacal Plan who had gone before him, could urinate with the best of them.

The night wore on and Tweet Pee in friends thought to end he evening in quieter, more relaxed confines. The final destination for revelry and the emptying of wasteful fluids was none other than the Parkside Lounge on Attorney and Houston. The toilet seat at that establishment had a little too much tinkle juice on it for Tweet Pee's taste but luckily he never had to take the seated position. Instead he got to stare at more stickers advertising the awesomeness of Midnight Fistfight, Buteo, and Vivid Alt, prompting Tweet Pee to either want to look them all up later or take aim at their names.

Having to go at least three times while in the establishment, Tweet Pee also opted to try the ladies room, which he found completely lacking in advertisements. Apparently those interested in vandalism in the name of commerce believe men to be a perfect target audience. Or maybe they just hold their "going" space to be more sacred. Tweet Pee certainly understands that. Alas, the Sunday evening urinary adventure had to end sometime and thus Tweet Pee returned home to enjoy a snack and a tinkle before heading off to dreamland, fully satisfied with all the places he went.

Oh, The Places I Go: Sthree for Saturday

Tweet Pee is pretty sure that based on all of the places he has been up to this point, you'd more or less be able to triangulate his position in the New York City area. In attempts to throw you off the scent, Tweet Pee decided to diversify his target destinations this fine evening. Originally, he had the full intention of declaring that indeed "Ich ein ein stockbesoffen" but instead of ending up at a German beer bar on the lower east side, he ended up at three regular bars spread out both downtown and in Brooklyn.

Tweet Pee's first alcoholic outing occurred at the Spring Lounge at 48 Spring St and Mulberry. Tweet Pee was immediately alarmed as he closed the door on this water closet, as he realized that there was no lock on the door. One person walked in on him, but the angle was not good enough for a show to take place, so the incident was followed by calm.

Following the shared incident Tweet Pee made his way to the West Village for a little bit of dinner action. Along with a solid few seconds of stream, Tweet Pee enjoyed several slices of Za at John's Pizzeria to fill his fat belly.

The evening was no bust though as Tweet Pee kept the party rollin'. His final place of pee-tronage was back in his home borough of Brooklyn. Tweet Pee found stream satisfaction at Commonwealth in Park Slope...as he thought o himself, what a wonderful world.

Oh, The Places I Go: Personal Residence- Ft. Greene

Tweet Pee likes to go out on the town, but when he does it's not always at a place where an unlimited amount of civilians get to water some toilet seeds. Some times he visits friends and sometimes he empties his bladder into their bowls. Tonight was one such occasion as Tweet Pee attended a lovely dinner at a friend's house in Fort Greene.

The house in question was the rarest of animals in that it was a two bedroom, two bathroom affair. It's not often you get that sort of bedroom to bathroom ratio in New York City, but there Tweet Pee was. Luckily, Tweet Pee drank enough to have to utilize both of the johns. And wouldn't you know it, photos were snapped of both.

Favorite Things Friday: Indoor Plumbing

Happy Friday everyone. As you well know, or should know by now since you've been following Tweet Pee for so long, Friday is the day where we take a look at some of our favorite things. We don't give them away like Oprah does, but that doesn't matter because most of those things are already in your possession or can be easily bought in your local grocery store.

Our favorite thing for this Friday is kind of obvious. Without it we wouldn't have a pot to piss in. Actually we would, but it would be just that, a pot. Yes, our favorite thing this Friday is none other than INDOOR PLUMBING. Without the miracle of indoor plumbing we'd all be taking whizzes out the window and soaking unsuspecting and subsequently angry passers by. Or we would have some sort of receptacle in our rooms where whenever we got the urge to splurge, one would just go in it and leave it be until the stench got so bad they tossed it out the window, soaking an unsuspecting passer by.

Even worse, without this true mark of civilization we might have to use outhouses in the dead of winter, or just use a certain wall in our homes that we designate the waste wall. Either way, it would be very unsanitary. So civilized people of the world, thank your lucky stars for indoor plumbing. Tweet Pee does every day. It's one of his favorite things.

Oh, The Places I Go: Chip Shop & Union Hall

Tweet Pee had quite an eventful night as he had the pick of litter of Brooklyn establishments to lay down his leaky law.

The first stop was the Chip Shop where Tweet Pee had the pleasure of partaking of a frosty brew and a deep fried Mars bar before letting loose as a photo of the Queen herself looked on.

With arteries newly clogged and bladder freshly drained, Tweet Pee pressed on to Union Hall where he enjoyed a drink with some wonderful company and eventually had to unleash some fluid on the classy bar's lavatory.

All in all it was an accomplished evening, the kind that people who document their own urinary processes dream about...or at least think about as they're enjoying their night out.

Pee News:Urine Japan, Urine-trading, Urine Jail

Tweet Pee wouldn't mind making a little money off of his Urine-related musings, but he would never physically extract that of others for a little loot on the side.

He's got better things to do like use his stopwatch to time every time he takes a whiz and scour the world wide web for pop culture pee moments. He more or less just doesn't have the time or the inclination to engage in such matters of the stream.

The same cannot be said for a man in Japan (Tweet Pee likes how that rhymes) who was nabbed by Japanese cops (are there any other kind there?) for distributing leaflets roadside to female high school students, alerting them of his intent to purchase their pee.

At the time of his arrest, the #1 enthusiast for feminine flow (see what we did there?) was carrying a conical flask and a Tupperware box to store their secretions. The leak freak told police that he got the idea when he heard a conversation between two high school girls that went as follows:

“How do you make extra money?”

“I’m selling my urine, it goes for a high price.”

And with that he was inspired. According to the previously alluded to leaflet, he was buying both bodily fluids and underwear, amongst other things, with prices ranging from ¥2,000~¥4,000. Tweet Pee isn't sure how much that is, but it's probably more than it should be, unless those teens were drinking Goldschlager with those little gold flakes.

The sick solicitor was charged with violating youth protection laws and if Tweet Pee had any grasp of the Japanese justice system, he might be able to tell you what kind of pee-nalty said offender was facing, but he can't.

Oh, The Places I Go: Brooklyn Social

Tonight Tweet Pee wandered into the dimly lit confines of Brooklyn Social in Carroll Gardens for a few drinks, which ultimately led to him taking a few sprinks.

While Tweet Pee was able to keep a steady flow his hand was a little shaky when holding the camera. The result is a couple of semi-blurry photos of the most recent streaming site which did not allow for smoking in the boys room.

Pee News: India Takes The Piss Out of Cows

Thanks to former Yankee Broadcaster Phil Rizzuto's frequent shouts of "Holy Cow" (and his subsequent invitations to The Money Store) Tweet Pee has long known that the Cow is a sacred animal in India. The nation's Hindu population revere their bovine benefactor so much that slaughtering anything that goes Moo (unless it's one of those string-pulling toys) is illegal, giving them the distinct disadvantage of never having sampled a succulent sirloin. Just because much of the population has never chowed on some ground chuck or bit into a Brisket, doesn't mean that they'll never experience the pleasure of golden showering themselves with the flavor of faith.

As it turns out, not all of the Cow is considered "off-limits". The Cow Protection Department of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), India's biggest and oldest Hindu nationalist group, has begun to brew up an apparently palatable new beverage made from Cow Urine. Allow Tweet Pee to be the first one to say, "mmm...mmm." Oh, wait a second, we meant, "yech!"

Despite our current misgivings about the release of "gau jal"(Sanskrit), or "cow water"; Om Prakash, the head of the C.P.D.R.S.S. assures the public that the drink will not smell like cow pee and will be quite flavorful. Tweet Pee will believe it when we taste it. In the meantime, Tweet Pee would also like to declare that at present the title of "Worst Job In The World" goes to the taste testers of "gau jal".

Pee News: Urine Therapy, Urine Bolivia

If anyone is looking for evidence that Pee is much better for you when it's leaving your body than it is going in, Tweet Pee has the definitive proof. This past Saturday in La Paz Bolivia a woman, 35-year-old Gabriela Ascarrunz, was killed after being injected with a dose of urine. The act wasn't carried out by some heinous archvillain aimed at randomly poisoning the bloodstreams of unsuspecting victims. Word is Señora Orina De Mal (Mrs. Bad Urine, the obvious name of such a Spanish speaking supervillain) was busy hatching some other evil plan to flood the bathrooms in the Bolivian Capitol Building.

The murderous culprit was none other than Bolivian Fashion designer and Urine Therapy enthusiast, Monica Schultz. Apparently Schultz graduated from the school of Medicine that hangs out in bathrooms and asks unsuspecting users of the facilities, "are you really gonna flush that?"

According to her specific brand of alternative medicine, pee can be used for cosmetic purposes and to treat various diseases, by either rubbing on your skin, injecting it, or drinking it. While Tweet Pee's all for getting the most flow for our Euro, the idea of injecting our body's waste back into our bloodstream, just doesn't sound so smart.

Tweet Pee's Tune For Tuesday: J. Geils Band "Piss On The Wall"

Tweet Pee listened to a lot of music growing up. Even though many a song blessed these ears with memorable lyrics and a catchy hook, there was but one in particular that influenced my love of implementing the golden flow on an area where it was not intended. That track was not Garbage's "Only Happy When It Rains" nor was it Coldplay's "Yellow". Those songs, while being absolutely lovely in their own right, came along too late in my musical education to be of any substantial impact in where I lay my stream to rest.
My parents had I believe ordered the J. Geils Band album, Freeze Frame from the Columbia House catalog sometime around 1981. While I absolutely adored songs one and three ("Freeze-Frame" and "Centerfold", respectively), it was the very last track that gave me my marching orders. On several occasions, with Peter Wolf's voice in my head commanding me, I unleashed my baby-snake and/or button and did his bidding as the words "Piss On The Wall," echoed through my synapses causing me to unleash a flood of urine onto the right hand wall of our family's ornate, flowery-wallpapered bathroom.

While I'd like to say I don't hear Mr. Wolf's voice ordering me around anymore, sometimes I have to go so bad with no bathroom in sight that the wall is the nearest refuge. So in honor of my undying affection for the J. Geils Band. Here's a bit of a blast from the Tweet Pee past:

Monday Movie Madness: Naked Gun

Oh, The Places I Go: The House

People used to tell NBA All-Star Center Shaquille O'Neal to take it to the house when they wanted to see a big play. Or maybe it was "to the hole" either way, I did my best Shaq impression today by taking one at The House, a semi-swank restaurant in Manhattan's Gramercy neighborhood. I didn't stand up at the table, unzip my pants and unleash a frozen rope straight at the floor. I had the common decency to let it flow in the bathroom for I am not a barbarian. This is that bathroom.

Oh, The Places I Go: Rope

Tonight Tweet Pee headed out into the Fort Greene section of Brooklyn to take on the biggest and baddest of places that one might relieve oneself. Actually, Tweet Pee was just out for a good time and wasn't trying to take on anything. He merely wanted to have some drinks and relieve himself when he deemed it necessary, which ended up being a stout four times.

Indeed, there was some alcohol drank and a few lavatories were delved into. The chosen site for the evening's entertainment was Rope. Rope's bathroom had apparently once played host to the "Piss King" as evidenced by the grafitti on the wall, but was still a haven for those with both urinary needs and general pride in one's surroundings. All in all the acts of urination and drinking were met with mutually exclusive satisfaction, and the evening was a glaring success.

Urine The News...A-Rod!

Don't look at us like that, Alex Rodriguez. You've been a bad boy. You and your urine wouldn't be in the news if you were as pure and innocent as that pee-drinking grin suggests. Though, we suppose that we sorta got the hint when you started fiddling with Madonna's pentagenarian genitalia while still married to your lovely wife.

Fresh on the heels of the shocking news that current holder of the home run crown, Barry Bonds tested pee-ositive for performance enhancing substances in 2003, it was revealed to CNNSI by four different sources that the Yankee Señor at Third's (then with the Rangers) urine wasn't only rich in that post-asparagus smell, but also in testosterone and Anabolic Steroids.

With the aid of the juice, Rodriguez was able to knock 47 dingers into the stands and capture the leagues MVPee while playing for the lowly Rangers in 2003. A-Rod's own juice wasn't the only thing tainted by his use of gym candy. His potential to piss all over Barry Bonds legacy by inevitably breaking the career home run mark once held by the pristinely prodigious Hank Aaron, has been somewhat dashed. If he one day breaks the record, questions about the validity of his stats will linger like those final drops in the pee stream before we shake them into the bowl.

Que sera sera.

Oh, The Places I Go: Holiday Cocktail Lounge

Tonight Tweet Pee wandered into the Holiday Cocktail Lounge for a few brews. Unfortunately the Men's room was out of order, so the Ladies area was the only option on the docket.
While I was a little hesitant to be seen wandering into an area designated for the opposite sex, everything worked out just fine. The ladies room was not only perfectly adaptable to the needs of the unfairer sex, but it was also much cleaner than most mens rooms in bars of this caliber, which is to say total dives. Even though it was mostly men lined up to partake in the provided facilities, it seems as though the cleanliness intimidated most of the male clientele into treating the lavatory as though it were an institution of the holy...proving once again that cleanliness is next to godliness.

Fridays Favorite Things: Fountains

A babbling brook, a flowing stream, a cd of nature sounds. Sure they all make us think of the act of urination, but visually they don't always whet our appetite for expulsion, which was coincidentally a rejected Guns 'n' Roses album title.

There are only a few things set our flow aflood and get our bladder a burstin'. Imagine for a moment you're touring through Roman ruins and haven't had a sip of water for hours. You're as parched as a nomad roaming the Kalahari. All of the sudden you hear a sound like a loosened faucet or a raging river breaking on through a busted dam.

You know there's no natural bodies of water around you, but up ahead you spy a likeness of Cupid or Artemis with arrow in hand and mouth agape. From that mouth you see water spouting...and while your pipes should certainly be empty, they seem to scrape up what little moisture you have, making you believe that you could just use a trip to the water closet before you should venture any further. That thing that has most likely inspired your urge to splurge is none other than one of Friday's Favorite things...a fountain.

Oh, The Places I Go:Music Hall of Williamsburg

Hello readers, it was a special night out for Tweet Pee as I ventured out to the hipster haven of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, New York City to catch a very special concert at the Music Hall of Williamsburg. While I was there I went to the bathroom twice. One time I used the urinal while the other time I employed the stall. During my time in the latter I spied a bit of graffitti surrounding me. I took the time to document it just for you. I hope you enjoy. Goodnight, and I hope you had a pleasant pee-vening.