Urine The Movies: The Program

Update: Urine Luck...Barry Bonds!

It seems like just yesterday Tweet Pee was boasting of the busted-ness of Baseball Star Barry Bonds thanks to the seal being broken on Federal Records seized from BALCO way back in 2003. The records seemed to indicate that Bonds' pee was not exactly roid-free.

Despite the incriminating scent emanating from his urine samples, a judge ruled yesterday that "Exhibit P" in the Bonds' case was as good as flushed. Claiming the Steroid Slugger's stream samples as inadmissible evidence due to the fact that prosecutors were not able to conclusively show that they belonged to Bonds, U.S. district court judge Susan Illston threw the baby (or in this case the urine) out with the bathwater (or in this case, the toilet water). She also threw out the potential use of doping calendars (exhibit Q) maintained by Bonds' trainer Greg Anderson...meaning that in order to nail the mercurial SuperAsshole Athlete, Bonds' trainer himself would have to testify...which is unlikely.

The whole thing seems to put a damper (pun always intended) on the idea of seeing Bonds behind bars for lying to a grand jury, seeing as there is no perm(p)issible evidence. Oh well, so much for that.

Urine The News...Barry Bonds!

Hey, guess what Barry Bonds?!?!?! Urine the news! Or more specifically, your pee is the news! With the seal being broken on Federal records gathered by investigators in their September 2003 raid on the BALCO compound, there is now further evidence that the super-priggish slugger was all juiced up for years spent socking balls over fences. Did we mention he also hit a lot of home runs while he was on the roids during that span of time? Zing!

Anyway, the not-so-shocking news comes from the non-revelation that a test of Bonds' urine sample stored in 2003 tested positive for a banned substance. In the words of Bob Seger from the Beverly Hills Cop 2 Soundtrack, "Takedown...Shakedown...You're busted."

Oh, and we missed the opportunity to call him a former Pittsburgh Pee-rate. So there's always that. A friendly reminder that Tweet Pee is always searching for the obvious lowest common denominator joke.