Pee News: Mouth to Pee Theater

Tweet Pee isn't really the type who goes outside his comfort zone when it comes to letting it flow like a river. He doesn't unleash the pelvic watergun for reasons of fetishistic delight either. Tweet Pee fancies urinals, toilets, back alleys and the great outdoors when it comes to painting the town yellow.

That's not to say he doesn't get kick out of the occasional odd urinal. Lord knows he's seen a few in his day, but none that he'd say were capable of making a controversial splash, lest you were referring to an unpleasant ricochet off a urinal containing god knows how many other people's urine.

However, some patrons of Hamilton, Ontario's The Honest Lawyer eatery aren't as open-minded as ol' Tweet Pee. Seems they've got the holes in their boxer-briefs all buttoned up over a few silly tinkle receptacles shaped like those Twizzler lips from way back when.

Now, nobody seemed so pissed off when those things were biting up phallic licorice sticks in the 80's, but relieve yourself in one and all of the sudden we've got a full-fledged hullabaloo on our hopefully dry hands.

The stream catchers inspired an anti-lip loo campaign that gained stream when 1,100 fans of boring ol' urinals, including the city's mayor and Ontario's NDP (whatever that means), used the archaic method of letter-writing to let their uptight verbal diarrhea spew forth from their fountain pens, arguing that people peeing in these urinals was offensive to women.

Tweet Pee would like to say, "stop thinking so hard!" Not only was this assumption that every man just going to take a pee was intentionally defiling women an ignorant exercise in trying to see the worst; it's predicated on the supposition that most men actually care where his bladder may blast.

Beyond a laugh and a smirk at the creative use of urinal space, whether you give a man a trough, a mouth or plain ol' porcelain; he'll only see one thing– a bulls-eye.

Oh, The Places I Go: Merc Bar

Tweet Pee is all class, so much so that every once in awhile he'll find himself in a classy establishment such as Merc Bar in the Soho region of Manhattan York City. It was quite the occasion when he finally strolled into the restroom at this classy joint. Tweet Pee was slightly shocked to find that such upscale institution of higher partying did not employ a washroom attendant, but hey, times are tough and supposed cutbacks make it slightly less awkward for Tweet Pee to take photos of his place of business. With less company on hand Tweet Pee gladly took a much needed whizz or two all over the urinal of his choice, which just so happened to be the only urinal in the joint. Despite the slim pickins, Tweet Pee experienced no difficulty in dispensing his number 1 favorite bodily fluid at the proper site for doing so in this environment aimed at the affluend, where the cheapest beer option cost a reasonable (cough) $8.

Oh The Places I Go: Bar 1020

Tweet Pee is always on the "go". Well, not always, that could get messy. Last night Tweet Pee went pretty far north to the Morningside Heights section of Manhattan for a date with a lady at Bar 1020. The establishment was thick with intellectual Columbia University types speaking regurgitating the day's lectures casually over beer, but Tweet Pee only had two things on his mind...the member of the fairer sex in front of him and the john. While the jury's still out on whether the date when swimmingly, there was no doubt that the trip to the bathroom was a success.
Upon entering the restroom Tweet Pee had 2 choices (3 if you count the sink) of urine receptacle. One was a urinal which would have caused his junk to be in plain view seeing as there was no working lock on the door and a toilet at which he could clearly shield himself from anyone playing pool outside who might be hankering for a peak. Seeing as Tweet Pee is a tad self conscious, he went with the latter choice.

When all was said and done Tweet Pee had drank a few beers, tinkled twice and went his separate ways with the friendly lady. Prior to hopping in the subway he had a huge slice of pizza that seemed to be double the size of his face, but only went for $3.25. What a bargain.

Scientific Pee-Search: Are Urinals The New Flower Pots?

It's not a rare occurrence for human beings to go whizzing in the woods while on a camping trip or in an emergency on the side of the road, but it's not as if when we do so we express even the slightest concern for the life of the plant we inevitably go on. We're more concerned with accidentally brushing our genitalia on Poison Sumac or hoping a ravenous animal doesn't attack our nether regions in the process. As it turns out, our lack of worry for our natural leafy surroundings in such a situation may indeed be justified.

Apparently the phosphorus and nitrogen in our pee may actually help plants grow. Some Swiss folk have even come up with a "biological waste treatment process" to remove these two elements from golden flow in order to use it as fertilizer. This finding has also inspired an art installation entitled drinkpeedrinkpeedrinkpee, which takes a look at our ability to convert urine into houseplant fertilizer or even drinking water. The creatives behind the project, Britta Riley and Rebecca Bray, have since unleashed a DIY Fertilizer kit on their project page.

Tweet Pee is currently more interested in drinking his own tap water, but thinks such a kit might come in handy if he's ever trapped under a bookcase after an earthquake and can't reach the faucet.

via BoingBoing

Oh The Places I Go: Two For Tuesday

Life's been a little busy for Tweet Pee as of late. He's been slacking in his mission to show you some of the finest Pee spots in all of NYC. The past few days saw two new entrants into the Urinal Hall of Fame.

The first place Tweet Pee spelled relief on Saturday evening was at Brownstone Billiards/Oceans 8 on Flatbush Ave. in Park Slope. The bathroom had two urinals, including one on the short side. Though I didn't have to get on my tippy toes for the tall one, being a not-so-tall person himself Tweet Pee showed solidarity with his below average height brethren and whizzed it up at the low set latrine.

It wasn't until Monday when Tweet Pee took in the Best Picture-winning Slumdog Millionaire at the Pavilion Theater off of Prospect Park that he found himself at yet another unfamiliar urinal. There were three of those and two stalls that he found upon entry and seeing as the door to the Men's room did not close very well, Tweet Pee found himself shuffling through the narrow space to the second urinal so that his best friend (seeing as he doesn't have a dog) could not be seen by bathroom passers by. It was a tight fit, but Tweet Pee and his Pee Pee passed with flying colors before taking in the excellent film.

Sorry to leave all of my eager readers hanging. We know you've been thirsty for more Tweet Pee news and there's not enough toilet water to tide you over. It won't happen again.

Oh, The Places I Go:Music Hall of Williamsburg

Hello readers, it was a special night out for Tweet Pee as I ventured out to the hipster haven of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, New York City to catch a very special concert at the Music Hall of Williamsburg. While I was there I went to the bathroom twice. One time I used the urinal while the other time I employed the stall. During my time in the latter I spied a bit of graffitti surrounding me. I took the time to document it just for you. I hope you enjoy. Goodnight, and I hope you had a pleasant pee-vening.

Pee News- File Under: Too Close For Comfort

Behold, a new urinal that holds your junk while you do your business. The royal we would rather it didn't.

Oh, The Places I Go: Santos Party House

Yesterday I let my flow go four times in two different places. Three of those incidents took place in my own toilet, but in the evening I had the pleasure of peeing at Santos Party House, the hot Manhattan club owned by Rock superstar Andrew W.K.. I was there to take in a rock show by the burgeoning Brooklynites in Mahogany. The show kicked ass and so did the urinals.

This is what the facilities looked like.