The Most Pee-ceful Place On Earth

Greetings Com-pee-triots! I, Tweet Pee, would like to sincerely apologize for my lengthy hiatus from this here blog and from my tweeting pee-sponsiblities. I hope no one is too pissed off to accept me back into their hearts and restrooms.

You might think my absence from the Internet was for purely selfish reasons and maybe it was, but I fear that I had lost my connection to the natural act of urination. It had become solely a means to the end that was this largely unsuccessful web venture instead of just one of my natural processes. I needed a clear mind, a pure heart, and a recently emptied bladder if I was going to go back to square one and rediscover the inner taker of number ones within.

While most folks are just content to just do the "master cleanse" and start anew, Tweet Pee sought sanctuary in the wilderness and water closets of the Far East. After months of holding it in at the behest of some of the sagest bathroom attendants in all of the land, Tweet Pee finally came to achieve total and utter inner peace when he reached the most pee-ceful place on earth, a.k.a. the restroom of a Healthland Spa in Bangkok, Thailand.


The serene accompaniment of soothing music mixed in with the sound of flowing water and the sight of plant life flourishing, left Tweet Pee filled with the joie de vivre one feels when one has a suitable epiphany. At the site of those standing porcelain gods, Tweet Pee let the river flow as if it had been dammed up for a thousand years. That true feeling of relief was a rebirth for both Tweet Pee and this blog.

So it is with great pride and a renewed vigor that Tweet Pee relaunches "The Life and Streams of Tweet Pee" in the hopes you will follow along and show reverence to this most basic of bodily functions. Stay tuned for a virtual babbling brook of bloggery.

Oh, The Places I Go: Coyote Ugly

Tweet Pee has had a busy week hitting the town and attempting to dye it's water supply yellow. You'll have to excuse him for lagging behind on his updates. The first stop on this weeks' Tour De Flow was a bar so popular, they sort of made a movie about it. At least they used the name of the bar as the movie title. That movie and that bar of course are known as Coyote Ugly.

It wasn't long after downing a few Pabst Blue Brews that Tweet Pee found himself sauntering off to the little big boys room. It was just like he had last remembered it. It was dirty, wet, and wreaked of urine. He skipped the urinal on account that it seemed as though there were pools of mixed urine inside and splashback could be lethal if not deadly, instead opting for the somewhat more sanitary bowl.

While Tweet Pee has no idea what sort of germs may have adhered themselves to the bottom of his shoes, he felt much more relieved after having stepped out of the bathroom than having stepped in.

Oh, The Places I Go: Hugs

Tweet Pee enjoys frequenting delightful places. Sometimes said places have delightful names as well. This is the case with Hugs, located on North 6th St. in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn. While Tweet Pee certainly would not characterize the toilet area of Hugs as similarly delightful, meaning he would offer it a full body embrace, it wasn't half bad if a little cramped. The toilet basin (if that's what it's called) also had an indecipherable message written inside of it. Actually, it was probably decipherable, Tweet Pee just didn't feel like taking the time by sticking his head in the bowl to get a closer look. This should sound perfectly reasonable to you.

Oh The Places I Go: Tea Lounge

When Tweet Pee woke up this morning, the first thing he did was turn on his computer to get started on work for the day. Actually, the first thing he did was turn off his pleasant alarm ring tone and then he opened up his computer to start work for the day.

Unfortunately, there was something amiss with the Internet connection in Tweet Pee's place of residence. This forced him to take his business elsewhere, that elsewhere was the Tea Loune on Union Street Between 6th and 7th avenue in Park Slope. The music was loud, but not as invasive as it normally is there and there were also fewer unsupervised children, making for a relatively pleasant stay. In the midst of two steaming cups of Jasmine Green Tea, Tweet Pee saw fit to use the facilities within his temporary office.

The room itself was dim, smelly, and cold with a brick facade. Though it was not terribly unclean. Tweet Pee doesn't know who was in their before him but they did a good job stinking up the joint. That being said, he still wound up putting his sunshine stream through their indoor plumbing. The relief Tweet Pee felt allowed him to thoughtlessly work away for the next several hours making for a relatively productive afternoon.

Oh The Places I Go: Bar 1020

Tweet Pee is always on the "go". Well, not always, that could get messy. Last night Tweet Pee went pretty far north to the Morningside Heights section of Manhattan for a date with a lady at Bar 1020. The establishment was thick with intellectual Columbia University types speaking regurgitating the day's lectures casually over beer, but Tweet Pee only had two things on his mind...the member of the fairer sex in front of him and the john. While the jury's still out on whether the date when swimmingly, there was no doubt that the trip to the bathroom was a success.
Upon entering the restroom Tweet Pee had 2 choices (3 if you count the sink) of urine receptacle. One was a urinal which would have caused his junk to be in plain view seeing as there was no working lock on the door and a toilet at which he could clearly shield himself from anyone playing pool outside who might be hankering for a peak. Seeing as Tweet Pee is a tad self conscious, he went with the latter choice.

When all was said and done Tweet Pee had drank a few beers, tinkled twice and went his separate ways with the friendly lady. Prior to hopping in the subway he had a huge slice of pizza that seemed to be double the size of his face, but only went for $3.25. What a bargain.

Oh The Places I Go: Streaming Weekend Recap

Tweet Pee went all over the place this weekend, but he managed to keep his flow under control. Three new sites were added to Tweet Pee's ever growing field guide to the places he streams. Two of the bathrooms in question were in private residences.

On Friday night Tweet Pee ventured out to an apartment party in Nolita or wherever Elizabeth Street north of Grand is considered to be. It's a netherworld between Little Italy and China town. The apartment had two sparkling restrooms but since there were people doing various drugs in another of the restrooms Tweet Pee stuck to the one unencumbered by flared nostrils.

The following evening Tweet Pee returned to his old stomping grounds at the Parkside lounge but waited until he hit the Mercury Lounge where he took in a rock show, before painting the town yellow not once, but twice. Afterwords it was right back to Parkside where Tweet Pee didn't bother to photographic evidence of the toilet since it had previously been procured.


The weekend didn't end there as the next day Tweet Pee went to his familial home in the suburbs for a lovely meal with Momma Tweet Pee. Before returning to the big city though, Tweet Pee made sure to visit the restroom of his youth. The only difference was that the wallpaper and toilet he had a brief love affair with tinkling all over as a child had been replaced by tiling and a decidedly newer model of commode, further proof that things change. Oh well. Stay tuned for more places I go and exclusive urinary news from Tweet Pee.

Oh The Places I Go: Two For Tuesday

Life's been a little busy for Tweet Pee as of late. He's been slacking in his mission to show you some of the finest Pee spots in all of NYC. The past few days saw two new entrants into the Urinal Hall of Fame.

The first place Tweet Pee spelled relief on Saturday evening was at Brownstone Billiards/Oceans 8 on Flatbush Ave. in Park Slope. The bathroom had two urinals, including one on the short side. Though I didn't have to get on my tippy toes for the tall one, being a not-so-tall person himself Tweet Pee showed solidarity with his below average height brethren and whizzed it up at the low set latrine.

It wasn't until Monday when Tweet Pee took in the Best Picture-winning Slumdog Millionaire at the Pavilion Theater off of Prospect Park that he found himself at yet another unfamiliar urinal. There were three of those and two stalls that he found upon entry and seeing as the door to the Men's room did not close very well, Tweet Pee found himself shuffling through the narrow space to the second urinal so that his best friend (seeing as he doesn't have a dog) could not be seen by bathroom passers by. It was a tight fit, but Tweet Pee and his Pee Pee passed with flying colors before taking in the excellent film.

Sorry to leave all of my eager readers hanging. We know you've been thirsty for more Tweet Pee news and there's not enough toilet water to tide you over. It won't happen again.

Oh The Places I Go: Tweet Pee's Lower East Side Adventure

Last night, Tweet Pee hit up the town for some serious misadventures in hitting the sauce. Luckily there was no babysitting involved. That would've been a lost cause. The first stop on Tweet Pee's Tour De Flow was Rosario's Pizza on Orchard and Stanton, where both a plain slice and a Margherita slice were scarfed down along with a small bottle of water to make Tweet Pee feel like a river and let the water overflow. Curiously, the bathroom at Rosario's had a poster of San Sebastian, Spain. While Rosario's makes some fine Italian cuisine, they don't necessarily do their part in contributing to their home country's tourism industry as Tweet Pee had the urge to stream live content from Spain afterwards.

Next up on the pee program was a move to The Annex, where Tweet Pee enjoyed some fine music courtesy the artists performing at the Poptank Records showcase. In between some excellent performances Tweet Pee made a p-line for the Men's room where he showed he was indeed a "whiz kid" and despite not having stickers like the members of Maniacal Plan who had gone before him, could urinate with the best of them.

The night wore on and Tweet Pee in friends thought to end he evening in quieter, more relaxed confines. The final destination for revelry and the emptying of wasteful fluids was none other than the Parkside Lounge on Attorney and Houston. The toilet seat at that establishment had a little too much tinkle juice on it for Tweet Pee's taste but luckily he never had to take the seated position. Instead he got to stare at more stickers advertising the awesomeness of Midnight Fistfight, Buteo, and Vivid Alt, prompting Tweet Pee to either want to look them all up later or take aim at their names.

Having to go at least three times while in the establishment, Tweet Pee also opted to try the ladies room, which he found completely lacking in advertisements. Apparently those interested in vandalism in the name of commerce believe men to be a perfect target audience. Or maybe they just hold their "going" space to be more sacred. Tweet Pee certainly understands that. Alas, the Sunday evening urinary adventure had to end sometime and thus Tweet Pee returned home to enjoy a snack and a tinkle before heading off to dreamland, fully satisfied with all the places he went.

Oh, The Places I Go: Sthree for Saturday

Tweet Pee is pretty sure that based on all of the places he has been up to this point, you'd more or less be able to triangulate his position in the New York City area. In attempts to throw you off the scent, Tweet Pee decided to diversify his target destinations this fine evening. Originally, he had the full intention of declaring that indeed "Ich ein ein stockbesoffen" but instead of ending up at a German beer bar on the lower east side, he ended up at three regular bars spread out both downtown and in Brooklyn.

Tweet Pee's first alcoholic outing occurred at the Spring Lounge at 48 Spring St and Mulberry. Tweet Pee was immediately alarmed as he closed the door on this water closet, as he realized that there was no lock on the door. One person walked in on him, but the angle was not good enough for a show to take place, so the incident was followed by calm.

Following the shared incident Tweet Pee made his way to the West Village for a little bit of dinner action. Along with a solid few seconds of stream, Tweet Pee enjoyed several slices of Za at John's Pizzeria to fill his fat belly.

The evening was no bust though as Tweet Pee kept the party rollin'. His final place of pee-tronage was back in his home borough of Brooklyn. Tweet Pee found stream satisfaction at Commonwealth in Park Slope...as he thought o himself, what a wonderful world.

Oh, The Places I Go: Personal Residence- Ft. Greene

Tweet Pee likes to go out on the town, but when he does it's not always at a place where an unlimited amount of civilians get to water some toilet seeds. Some times he visits friends and sometimes he empties his bladder into their bowls. Tonight was one such occasion as Tweet Pee attended a lovely dinner at a friend's house in Fort Greene.

The house in question was the rarest of animals in that it was a two bedroom, two bathroom affair. It's not often you get that sort of bedroom to bathroom ratio in New York City, but there Tweet Pee was. Luckily, Tweet Pee drank enough to have to utilize both of the johns. And wouldn't you know it, photos were snapped of both.

Oh, The Places I Go: Chip Shop & Union Hall

Tweet Pee had quite an eventful night as he had the pick of litter of Brooklyn establishments to lay down his leaky law.

The first stop was the Chip Shop where Tweet Pee had the pleasure of partaking of a frosty brew and a deep fried Mars bar before letting loose as a photo of the Queen herself looked on.

With arteries newly clogged and bladder freshly drained, Tweet Pee pressed on to Union Hall where he enjoyed a drink with some wonderful company and eventually had to unleash some fluid on the classy bar's lavatory.

All in all it was an accomplished evening, the kind that people who document their own urinary processes dream about...or at least think about as they're enjoying their night out.

Oh, The Places I Go: Brooklyn Social

Tonight Tweet Pee wandered into the dimly lit confines of Brooklyn Social in Carroll Gardens for a few drinks, which ultimately led to him taking a few sprinks.

While Tweet Pee was able to keep a steady flow his hand was a little shaky when holding the camera. The result is a couple of semi-blurry photos of the most recent streaming site which did not allow for smoking in the boys room.

Oh, The Places I Go: The House

People used to tell NBA All-Star Center Shaquille O'Neal to take it to the house when they wanted to see a big play. Or maybe it was "to the hole" either way, I did my best Shaq impression today by taking one at The House, a semi-swank restaurant in Manhattan's Gramercy neighborhood. I didn't stand up at the table, unzip my pants and unleash a frozen rope straight at the floor. I had the common decency to let it flow in the bathroom for I am not a barbarian. This is that bathroom.

Oh, The Places I Go: Rope

Tonight Tweet Pee headed out into the Fort Greene section of Brooklyn to take on the biggest and baddest of places that one might relieve oneself. Actually, Tweet Pee was just out for a good time and wasn't trying to take on anything. He merely wanted to have some drinks and relieve himself when he deemed it necessary, which ended up being a stout four times.

Indeed, there was some alcohol drank and a few lavatories were delved into. The chosen site for the evening's entertainment was Rope. Rope's bathroom had apparently once played host to the "Piss King" as evidenced by the grafitti on the wall, but was still a haven for those with both urinary needs and general pride in one's surroundings. All in all the acts of urination and drinking were met with mutually exclusive satisfaction, and the evening was a glaring success.

Oh, The Places I Go: Holiday Cocktail Lounge

Tonight Tweet Pee wandered into the Holiday Cocktail Lounge for a few brews. Unfortunately the Men's room was out of order, so the Ladies area was the only option on the docket.
While I was a little hesitant to be seen wandering into an area designated for the opposite sex, everything worked out just fine. The ladies room was not only perfectly adaptable to the needs of the unfairer sex, but it was also much cleaner than most mens rooms in bars of this caliber, which is to say total dives. Even though it was mostly men lined up to partake in the provided facilities, it seems as though the cleanliness intimidated most of the male clientele into treating the lavatory as though it were an institution of the holy...proving once again that cleanliness is next to godliness.

Oh, The Places I Go:Music Hall of Williamsburg

Hello readers, it was a special night out for Tweet Pee as I ventured out to the hipster haven of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, New York City to catch a very special concert at the Music Hall of Williamsburg. While I was there I went to the bathroom twice. One time I used the urinal while the other time I employed the stall. During my time in the latter I spied a bit of graffitti surrounding me. I took the time to document it just for you. I hope you enjoy. Goodnight, and I hope you had a pleasant pee-vening.

Super Bowl MVPee

Picking tonight's MVPee was a really tough choice for us. On one hand we wanted give it to ourselves for going twice and racking up just over one minute in elapsed time streaming into the very super bowl pictured here.

In the end we wound up going with the league and awarding the prestigious MVPee award to Pittsburgh Steelers Wideout Santonio Holmes, who happened to haul in 9 catches for 131 yards, including that dynamite reception in the corner of the end zone to take the urinal cake.

In addition to holding onto the ball at a crucial moment, the word is Santonio "held it in" all game. For that we salute him. Here's to you Santonio and a wonderful season. If we had a trophy it would probably look like a urinal. We doubt it would look very nice next to your other newest addition, so our words will just have to serve as a suitable reward.

Congratulations Pittsburgh Steelers, you are the World Champions!

Oh, The Places I Go: Postmark Cafe

Saddled with the need for both business and pleasure, I wandered into a wonderful low-key coffee shop in Park Slope called the Postmark Cafe. The bathroom where I conducted said business not only housed a bouncing baby blue commode, but a similarly colored shower. This may have come in handy if shampooing was a normal post bladder emptying activity. Alas, it is not and so I did not utilize this extra feature. It might have been odd had I left the bathroom, and re-entered the main area of the coffee shop in a towel anyway.

Oh, The Places I Go: Bar On A

Last night I, Tweet Pee, enjoyed happy hour drinks at the creatively named Bar On A in the East Village of Manhattan. While I was certainly happy to imbibe drinks at this wonderful establishment, what made me even gladder was the chance to expel the resultant fluids in this relatively clean and cozy bathroom-type area.

Oh, The Places I Go: Date Night Edition: Los Pollitos II

Tonight was Date Night for Tweet Pee and while I didn't get to put my P in someone's V, I did get to take a pee in this choice W.C. (that's for all my international pee-ps).