Parks and Rec-Pee-ation

It seems only natural that one would long to release some of their god-given golden fluids into the prized bosom of one of our nation's most cherished parks and nature reserves. After all, what is mother nature if not the "old"-est and most "faithful" urinal of them all? Unfortunately the, in Tweet Pee's opinion, entirely too civilized folks at Yellowstone Park disagree. They have no problem with bears moving their bowels in the woods, but when two concession employees decided to unleash their natural geyser of sorts into the wonder that is Old Faithful, the park's management threw a pissy fit.

The decision to not use the proper pee receptacle ultimately got the two violators shit-canned seeing as they were caught on a webcam. One of the violators, a 23-year old man, also got slapped with a hefty $750 fine (in this economy?) in addition to being placed on three years of unsupervised probation for urinating, being off trail in a restricted area and taking items from the area. Talk about getting a tough break for doing what comes naturally. If Tweet Pee had the money, he'd pay your fine Mr. Friend to Mother Nature. We support your decision to not waste water and we also frown on Yellowstone's waste of excess energy by employing said webcam.

Update: Urine Luck...Barry Bonds!

It seems like just yesterday Tweet Pee was boasting of the busted-ness of Baseball Star Barry Bonds thanks to the seal being broken on Federal Records seized from BALCO way back in 2003. The records seemed to indicate that Bonds' pee was not exactly roid-free.

Despite the incriminating scent emanating from his urine samples, a judge ruled yesterday that "Exhibit P" in the Bonds' case was as good as flushed. Claiming the Steroid Slugger's stream samples as inadmissible evidence due to the fact that prosecutors were not able to conclusively show that they belonged to Bonds, U.S. district court judge Susan Illston threw the baby (or in this case the urine) out with the bathwater (or in this case, the toilet water). She also threw out the potential use of doping calendars (exhibit Q) maintained by Bonds' trainer Greg Anderson...meaning that in order to nail the mercurial SuperAsshole Athlete, Bonds' trainer himself would have to testify...which is unlikely.

The whole thing seems to put a damper (pun always intended) on the idea of seeing Bonds behind bars for lying to a grand jury, seeing as there is no perm(p)issible evidence. Oh well, so much for that.

Pee-lice Blotter: Urine Love. Urine Trouble. Urine Florida

Tweet Pee only tends to think of Urine as a good thing, but once in awhile a story comes out that includes the proliferation of pee for heinous purposes.

Yesterday, a man in Bradenton, Florida doused his dear girlfriend in a cup of his own sunshine hued fluid, before pelting her with a dozen eggs and threatening to set her on fire. Not entirely sure how flammable of a concoction he had unleashed, the man also squirted charcoal lighter fluid, but that was probably diluted by the several gallons of water he tacked on, making the burning piece of paper he threatened her with all the less of an issue. As a result of the attack, James E. Farrel (notice there is no Dr. before his name) was arrested on charges of felony, aggravated domestic assault and misdemeanor battery. Hopefully, someone throws the book at this guy and he'll be left to awkwardly pee in front of a cell mate for some time.

Did we mention all of this happened in Manatee county? Seriously, who doesn't love Manatees. Here's a photo of one.