Update: Urine Luck...Barry Bonds!

It seems like just yesterday Tweet Pee was boasting of the busted-ness of Baseball Star Barry Bonds thanks to the seal being broken on Federal Records seized from BALCO way back in 2003. The records seemed to indicate that Bonds' pee was not exactly roid-free.

Despite the incriminating scent emanating from his urine samples, a judge ruled yesterday that "Exhibit P" in the Bonds' case was as good as flushed. Claiming the Steroid Slugger's stream samples as inadmissible evidence due to the fact that prosecutors were not able to conclusively show that they belonged to Bonds, U.S. district court judge Susan Illston threw the baby (or in this case the urine) out with the bathwater (or in this case, the toilet water). She also threw out the potential use of doping calendars (exhibit Q) maintained by Bonds' trainer Greg Anderson...meaning that in order to nail the mercurial SuperAsshole Athlete, Bonds' trainer himself would have to testify...which is unlikely.

The whole thing seems to put a damper (pun always intended) on the idea of seeing Bonds behind bars for lying to a grand jury, seeing as there is no perm(p)issible evidence. Oh well, so much for that.

Urine The News...A-Rod!

Don't look at us like that, Alex Rodriguez. You've been a bad boy. You and your urine wouldn't be in the news if you were as pure and innocent as that pee-drinking grin suggests. Though, we suppose that we sorta got the hint when you started fiddling with Madonna's pentagenarian genitalia while still married to your lovely wife.

Fresh on the heels of the shocking news that current holder of the home run crown, Barry Bonds tested pee-ositive for performance enhancing substances in 2003, it was revealed to CNNSI by four different sources that the Yankee Señor at Third's (then with the Rangers) urine wasn't only rich in that post-asparagus smell, but also in testosterone and Anabolic Steroids.

With the aid of the juice, Rodriguez was able to knock 47 dingers into the stands and capture the leagues MVPee while playing for the lowly Rangers in 2003. A-Rod's own juice wasn't the only thing tainted by his use of gym candy. His potential to piss all over Barry Bonds legacy by inevitably breaking the career home run mark once held by the pristinely prodigious Hank Aaron, has been somewhat dashed. If he one day breaks the record, questions about the validity of his stats will linger like those final drops in the pee stream before we shake them into the bowl.

Que sera sera.

Urine The News...Barry Bonds!

Hey, guess what Barry Bonds?!?!?! Urine the news! Or more specifically, your pee is the news! With the seal being broken on Federal records gathered by investigators in their September 2003 raid on the BALCO compound, there is now further evidence that the super-priggish slugger was all juiced up for years spent socking balls over fences. Did we mention he also hit a lot of home runs while he was on the roids during that span of time? Zing!

Anyway, the not-so-shocking news comes from the non-revelation that a test of Bonds' urine sample stored in 2003 tested positive for a banned substance. In the words of Bob Seger from the Beverly Hills Cop 2 Soundtrack, "Takedown...Shakedown...You're busted."

Oh, and we missed the opportunity to call him a former Pittsburgh Pee-rate. So there's always that. A friendly reminder that Tweet Pee is always searching for the obvious lowest common denominator joke.