Favorite Things Friday: Swimming pools

With the official start of summer fast approaching Tweet Pee has been busy conducting an official survey of his local recreation spots to find out where in his neighborhood he'll be able to spell r-e-l-i-e-f when the weather gets unbearably hot. In this case "relief" has a double meaning. There's nothing Tweet Pee loves to do in the summer time than to slowly inch himself into this Friday's Favorite Thing...a swimming pool.

Yes, swimming pools provide a welcome respite from the unbearable lightness and hotness of the center of our solar system better known as "Big Fire Thing," but while the rest of our body can't wait to feel the cooling, soothing touch of aquatic velvet, sometimes our junk begs to differ. Only when Tweet Pee and countless others fight off the fear of genitalia submersion can he truly be free to enjoy swimming pools.

While cooling off is all well and good, another benefit of the swimming pool is that its really the only place, with the exception of the ocean and other natural bodies of water, where one can urinate in public with others looking on. While the ocean is a great big receptacle for all sorts of waste, whether it be toxic or just natural anemone urine (a.k.a the peach nectar of the sea); the swimming pool is a placid man-made body of water that not only fulfills your sick fetish for sneakily having your friends bathe in your own waste, but it is also devoid of sharks that bite and sneaky parasites that can swim up your pee-hole and ruin the rest of your life.

So if you're looking to spread some sprinkle this summer, better not pick a place where you'll be in danger of risking life and your fifth limb. Head on over to a swimming pool and warm it up a few degrees with your pees.