Pee Politics: Pee The People!

As a red-blooded, yellow-urined American, Tweet Pee is well aware there are some Americans that are worth showering with golden bodily fluid and some that you wouldn't even give the time of day even if it were with an alarm-clock that squirted pee in your eye to wake you up rather than blasting your favorite Spanish-language radio station at 6 in the morning.

Looks like some members of the government are on the very same page. Rep. Pete Stark (D-California) made it more than apparent that one particular pissed off individual in particular was not worthy of being pissed on by his elected-ness.




After being berated by a crotchety old member of the government-provided health care opposition, who just so happened to end his diatribe by asking the Congressmen to not to pee on his leg and tell him it's raining, Stark alerted the old man that perhaps he best check his depends or look for cumulo-nimbus clouds, because the old man and his misinformed rhetoric didn't deserve the dignity usually reserved for esteemed urine receptacles. Or if you want the layman's version: He layed the smack down.


Now Tweet Pee doesn't usually condone not wanting to pee on elderly folk, but since Urine is a renewable source of water we do realize like Rep. Stark, that letting it go to waste on some poor old man who has absolutely no idea what he is talking about isn't really worthwhile, especially when it can be used as drinking water on the space station.

Outpeed and Out-Tweeted

Tweet Pee likes to think of himself as the most prolific tweeter/peer/waster of time in the Tweeting universe, but since taking a lengthy hiatus and frankly tiring of the twittersphere, a new device just might out-doo him.

The folks over at Toronto's Hacklab have hatched a plan and subsequently rigged a device to let you know just when they're done doing their duty at their home base of bowel movements and golden rain.

While they might not necessarily out-pee the Tweet Pee, they've certainly got the upper hand on reporting it. Kudos to them and their obvious wealth of laptop equipment. I hope they get a toilet paper sponsor out of this. Ok, I'm going to go drink a lot of fluids and whizz to my heart's content.

Via Gizmodo

Parks and Rec-Pee-ation

It seems only natural that one would long to release some of their god-given golden fluids into the prized bosom of one of our nation's most cherished parks and nature reserves. After all, what is mother nature if not the "old"-est and most "faithful" urinal of them all? Unfortunately the, in Tweet Pee's opinion, entirely too civilized folks at Yellowstone Park disagree. They have no problem with bears moving their bowels in the woods, but when two concession employees decided to unleash their natural geyser of sorts into the wonder that is Old Faithful, the park's management threw a pissy fit.

The decision to not use the proper pee receptacle ultimately got the two violators shit-canned seeing as they were caught on a webcam. One of the violators, a 23-year old man, also got slapped with a hefty $750 fine (in this economy?) in addition to being placed on three years of unsupervised probation for urinating, being off trail in a restricted area and taking items from the area. Talk about getting a tough break for doing what comes naturally. If Tweet Pee had the money, he'd pay your fine Mr. Friend to Mother Nature. We support your decision to not waste water and we also frown on Yellowstone's waste of excess energy by employing said webcam.

It's So Easy Peeing Green

Tweet Pee wanted to wish you all a Happy St. Patrick's Day. Drink plenty of green beer. If it turns your flow into a Green River...send a picture sans junk to TweetPee@gmail.com and he'll display it on the site. You won't win anything just Tweet Pee's eternal respect. Who knows though, one day when this site is huge, maybe Tweet Pee's eternal respect will be worth something.

A word to the wise though...If you just so happen to pee green without the aid of food coloring you may have a urinary tract infection and Tweet Pee suggests that you go see a doctor.

Urine The Movies: Billy Madison

Tweet Pee apologizes for the poor movie quzlity, it's all he could find on youtube.

Favorite Things Friday: Ice Cube Trays

Tweet Pee has never strayed from a little mischief. There was that time in grade school when he set his school on fire and that other time in pre-school when he set his teacher on fire. Tweet Pee really got into it in those early days. As Tweet Pee grew older though his high jinks transformed from pranks dealing with his disdain for authority into shenanigans that made other people look stupid but made him laugh heartily. With his tomfoolery trending in such a direction, Tweet Pee discovered the magic of his favorite thing this Friday, The Ice Cube Tray.

The Ice Cube Tray just so happens to be the crucial component in the trick that Tweet Pee happens to enjoy pulling out at parties most frequently. Often times while attending a bash at a house other than his own, Tweet Pee will snag the tray from the freezer and make his way to the bathroom. Seeing as he is a master of fleet footedness and covert operations, rarely does he ever have a problem sneaking the yellow hued ice-to-be into the freezer. The result is shock and eww as partygoers soon realize (or don't until someone sends an email about it) just what is that cool stink in their fresh drink. And it was all made possible by the magic of Ice Cube Trays...Tweet Pee's favorite thing for this Friday.

Oh, The Places I Go: Coyote Ugly

Tweet Pee has had a busy week hitting the town and attempting to dye it's water supply yellow. You'll have to excuse him for lagging behind on his updates. The first stop on this weeks' Tour De Flow was a bar so popular, they sort of made a movie about it. At least they used the name of the bar as the movie title. That movie and that bar of course are known as Coyote Ugly.

It wasn't long after downing a few Pabst Blue Brews that Tweet Pee found himself sauntering off to the little big boys room. It was just like he had last remembered it. It was dirty, wet, and wreaked of urine. He skipped the urinal on account that it seemed as though there were pools of mixed urine inside and splashback could be lethal if not deadly, instead opting for the somewhat more sanitary bowl.

While Tweet Pee has no idea what sort of germs may have adhered themselves to the bottom of his shoes, he felt much more relieved after having stepped out of the bathroom than having stepped in.

Celibri-pee Gossip: Since You've Been Goin'...In The Shower

It's none too often that Tweet Pee finds his somewhat puerile mind delving into the shower habits of the stars, but every once in awhile he likes to imagine Kelly Clarkson's dynamite singing voice cutting through the mist of a steam filled wash room with the words to "Since You've Been Gone" melodically blaring through the surrounding rooms.

In Tweet Pee's vision he never saw beyond the curtains, because, let's face it, a star's business is their own business. Unfortunately, the TMI gods at OK! Magazine (via Blender) had to go and sully the pristine image of the only American Idol winner to do something with her life by reporting that lil "Miss Independent" doesn't only like to sing in the shower, but that she's also too lazy to make it to the commode at times and often lets #1 loose in the place where she lathers and rinses.

Tweet Pee is now conflicted over his admiration over the music star. On one hand, he'll always love her voice, but on the other hand he would never use her shower.

Soccer Stars: They're Just Like Us

Just like Tweet Pee, International Soccer Stars get annoyed when they're asked to give daily urine samples to scientists who try to then use the pee portion to discover ways to improve their on-pitch performance. Who knew? If Tweet Pee had a dollar for every time he was irked by some nerdy scientist at the Carrington training ground angling a cup in the bushes to catch his piss, he'd be one rich blogger, which means he'd have two things in common with Cristiano Ronaldo and Wayne Rooney, who just so happen to be the peeved players in question.

Tweet Pee feels your pain guys. You don't need your pee analyzed to improve your play and neither does Tweet Pee. SOLIDARITY!

Oh, The Places I Go: Merc Bar

Tweet Pee is all class, so much so that every once in awhile he'll find himself in a classy establishment such as Merc Bar in the Soho region of Manhattan York City. It was quite the occasion when he finally strolled into the restroom at this classy joint. Tweet Pee was slightly shocked to find that such upscale institution of higher partying did not employ a washroom attendant, but hey, times are tough and supposed cutbacks make it slightly less awkward for Tweet Pee to take photos of his place of business. With less company on hand Tweet Pee gladly took a much needed whizz or two all over the urinal of his choice, which just so happened to be the only urinal in the joint. Despite the slim pickins, Tweet Pee experienced no difficulty in dispensing his number 1 favorite bodily fluid at the proper site for doing so in this environment aimed at the affluend, where the cheapest beer option cost a reasonable (cough) $8.

Oh, The Places I Go: Hugs

Tweet Pee enjoys frequenting delightful places. Sometimes said places have delightful names as well. This is the case with Hugs, located on North 6th St. in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn. While Tweet Pee certainly would not characterize the toilet area of Hugs as similarly delightful, meaning he would offer it a full body embrace, it wasn't half bad if a little cramped. The toilet basin (if that's what it's called) also had an indecipherable message written inside of it. Actually, it was probably decipherable, Tweet Pee just didn't feel like taking the time by sticking his head in the bowl to get a closer look. This should sound perfectly reasonable to you.

Urine The Movies: Austin Powers International Man of Mystery

Favorite Things Friday: Snow

With temperatures temporarily up after this past week's wintry weather, spring is fast approaching. It seems that there will be precious few, if any, opportunity for Tweet Pee to further indulge in the joys of his favorite thing this Friday...SNOW. Snow is much more than a Canadian Reggae artist from the 1990's, it's also a wonderful medium for writing one's own name when lacking a pen and paper or flag to mark your territory should you be trying to at the moment claim an icy expanse for self or country.

Not all surfaces are ideal for this practice as peeing on grass or dirt is usually absorbed in a way that fails to tell people who you are or what you've done there. Peeing on snow really allows your true colors to shine and for that it is this Friday's Favorite thing. Now if only we could get one more layer of fresh powder before March fades out like a lamb.

Oh The Places I Go: Tea Lounge

When Tweet Pee woke up this morning, the first thing he did was turn on his computer to get started on work for the day. Actually, the first thing he did was turn off his pleasant alarm ring tone and then he opened up his computer to start work for the day.

Unfortunately, there was something amiss with the Internet connection in Tweet Pee's place of residence. This forced him to take his business elsewhere, that elsewhere was the Tea Loune on Union Street Between 6th and 7th avenue in Park Slope. The music was loud, but not as invasive as it normally is there and there were also fewer unsupervised children, making for a relatively pleasant stay. In the midst of two steaming cups of Jasmine Green Tea, Tweet Pee saw fit to use the facilities within his temporary office.

The room itself was dim, smelly, and cold with a brick facade. Though it was not terribly unclean. Tweet Pee doesn't know who was in their before him but they did a good job stinking up the joint. That being said, he still wound up putting his sunshine stream through their indoor plumbing. The relief Tweet Pee felt allowed him to thoughtlessly work away for the next several hours making for a relatively productive afternoon.

Oh The Places I Go: Bar 1020

Tweet Pee is always on the "go". Well, not always, that could get messy. Last night Tweet Pee went pretty far north to the Morningside Heights section of Manhattan for a date with a lady at Bar 1020. The establishment was thick with intellectual Columbia University types speaking regurgitating the day's lectures casually over beer, but Tweet Pee only had two things on his mind...the member of the fairer sex in front of him and the john. While the jury's still out on whether the date when swimmingly, there was no doubt that the trip to the bathroom was a success.
Upon entering the restroom Tweet Pee had 2 choices (3 if you count the sink) of urine receptacle. One was a urinal which would have caused his junk to be in plain view seeing as there was no working lock on the door and a toilet at which he could clearly shield himself from anyone playing pool outside who might be hankering for a peak. Seeing as Tweet Pee is a tad self conscious, he went with the latter choice.

When all was said and done Tweet Pee had drank a few beers, tinkled twice and went his separate ways with the friendly lady. Prior to hopping in the subway he had a huge slice of pizza that seemed to be double the size of his face, but only went for $3.25. What a bargain.

March Poll: Songs in The Key of Pee

Tweet Pee has been slacking for a couple of days, but it's been a well deserved layoff as he's been bringing you loyal readers the latest in Urination for some time now and sometimes he just needs to hold it in. Now it's back to the task at hand. As promised, although a couple days late, here is the next poll question that will be living in the upper left hand corner of the site for the duration of the month. So without any further ado.

What is your favorite song about Urination?

"The Safety Dance"- Men Without Hats



"Yellow"- Coldplay

"Piss On The Wall"- The J. Geils Band


"Don't Eat The Yellow Snow" - Frank Zappa



"Right Here Waiting"- Richard Marx

Celibri-pee Gossip: Brad Pitt Loomed Over At London Loo

Tweet Pee has a riddle for you. What's tall, famous and can't seem to "go" in peace? If you guessed Dolph Lundgren in the 1990 film I Come In Peace, you'd be wrong. The answer is none other than international film sensation, the masculine half of the most famous couple in the world and Kickapoo High School's favorite grad, Brad Pitt.

Apparently Benjamin Button himself was recently at a pub in the Soho section of London, when the Oscar-nominated actor got up to take a leak in the loo. (Stars, they're just like us!) Unfortunately, on his way to the W.C. , the adoptive father of Angelina Jolie's matronly ambitions found himself swarmed by six awe-ful fans who proceeded to shuffle after him as he made his way to paint the town's water supply yellow.

Tweet Pee isn't sure what the moral of this story is. Maybe it's that if you become famous, you should always be equipped with a catheter to avoid awkward bathroom moments on the town or maybe it's that the act of urination is only remotely interesting when celebrities do it...or on try #3 it could be that privacy should always be extended as a common courtesy whenever someone no matter who is relieving oneself. Tweet Pee is sticking with that last one.

So remember readers, even if you see someone as famous as Scott Baio heading into a urinal, do not follow them. Pee Time is "Me Time" and certainly not your time.

February Pee Poll Results

Tweet Pee likes to be in touch with his readers. He doesn't like to touch his readers...they can touch themselves, but in an effort to really get a feel for the interests of those who peruse the contents of The Life and Streams (or as he likes to call it TLASOTP) Tweet Pee decided that he should post a reader poll. After nearly an entire month sitting in the upper left hand corner of the site that poll has finally closed and now Tweet Pee is set to reveal the final results of the all important question he posed to his readers, the question that asked, "What is your preferred method of Urination?"

Well the votes have been tallied and according to the results 50% of people prefer to pee in the pool when no one is looking. Tweet Pee is absolutely shocked that this method won out over more traditional ways of releasing urine such as "standing up" or "in a bathtub with a midwife" but the results speak for themselves. Tweet Pee is not sure whether the sample size of eight participants is enough to turn this poll into a valid scientific study. We'll have to check with New England Journal of Medicine or Psychology Today and we'll get back to you when we do. In the meantime, to make this appear like a legitimate study, Tweet Pee has taken great pains to make a chart using a real computer program.

Oh The Places I Go: Streaming Weekend Recap

Tweet Pee went all over the place this weekend, but he managed to keep his flow under control. Three new sites were added to Tweet Pee's ever growing field guide to the places he streams. Two of the bathrooms in question were in private residences.

On Friday night Tweet Pee ventured out to an apartment party in Nolita or wherever Elizabeth Street north of Grand is considered to be. It's a netherworld between Little Italy and China town. The apartment had two sparkling restrooms but since there were people doing various drugs in another of the restrooms Tweet Pee stuck to the one unencumbered by flared nostrils.

The following evening Tweet Pee returned to his old stomping grounds at the Parkside lounge but waited until he hit the Mercury Lounge where he took in a rock show, before painting the town yellow not once, but twice. Afterwords it was right back to Parkside where Tweet Pee didn't bother to photographic evidence of the toilet since it had previously been procured.


The weekend didn't end there as the next day Tweet Pee went to his familial home in the suburbs for a lovely meal with Momma Tweet Pee. Before returning to the big city though, Tweet Pee made sure to visit the restroom of his youth. The only difference was that the wallpaper and toilet he had a brief love affair with tinkling all over as a child had been replaced by tiling and a decidedly newer model of commode, further proof that things change. Oh well. Stay tuned for more places I go and exclusive urinary news from Tweet Pee.

Urine The Movies: The Program

Fridays Favorite Things: Fire Hoses

Tweet Pee is constantly attempting to rescue people from burning buildings. However, he does not do this by running inside flame-riddled domiciles in hopes of finding any living, breathing thing to carry out over his shoulders. Tweet Pee merely races to the site of said inferno -once the Fire Chief projects the instantly recognizable Tweet Pee symbol- in the hopes of arriving before the local engine ladder company, so that he may begin urinating on the edifice in question.

Tweet Pee tries to douse the flames with his whiz, but often withdraws at the onset of any uncomfortable warmth in his pecker region. Luckily, by the time this dangerous heat begins to be felt, the local fire precinct has most likely arrived leaving Tweet Pee to zip up and withdraw at the behest of the real heroes, the men who so bravely wield the Fire Hoses...Tweet Pee's favorite thing this Friday.

The deploying of a fire hose is more or less a scale recreation of an urgent six hour delay between trips to drain the weasel. While the force from a fire hose can knock a man off of his feet, often times a long spell without urination can cause a man to use a wall in order to brace himself for the process of bladder emptying. Sure a long delayed-piss can't put out a large scale building fire, but it can certainly put a damper on a blaze lit by camping enthusiasts.

However, with the existence of fire hoses, Tweet Pee has little reason to risk life and "limb" by participating in the act of dousing dangerous blazes. And any invention that insures Tweet Pee's member will remain a valuable and useful member of society has to be one of Tweet Pee's Favorite Things.

Pee-lice Blotter: Don't Do The Dew

While the Indian public are gearing up to enjoy their cow piss sodie pop, not everyone in the world is eager to voluntarily imbibe carbonated beverages containing blasts of bladder juice. That, however, did not stop two students at Connecticut's Hartford Union High School from serving up scandalous sipping samples containing natural leakage to two trusting and thirsty pupils at one of the school's recent basketball games.

After carrying out the repugnant practical joke the offending parties sent out an email notifying the student body just who weased the juice. Unfortunately, that email ended up in the inbox of an administrator and the two students were then arrested.

Sadly, that's where the flow of information ends. Tweet Pee is currently unaware if the two offending parties are Chinese or if they told a joke before carrying out the prank. If we find out more, we'll let you know.

Scientific Pee-Search: Are Urinals The New Flower Pots?

It's not a rare occurrence for human beings to go whizzing in the woods while on a camping trip or in an emergency on the side of the road, but it's not as if when we do so we express even the slightest concern for the life of the plant we inevitably go on. We're more concerned with accidentally brushing our genitalia on Poison Sumac or hoping a ravenous animal doesn't attack our nether regions in the process. As it turns out, our lack of worry for our natural leafy surroundings in such a situation may indeed be justified.

Apparently the phosphorus and nitrogen in our pee may actually help plants grow. Some Swiss folk have even come up with a "biological waste treatment process" to remove these two elements from golden flow in order to use it as fertilizer. This finding has also inspired an art installation entitled drinkpeedrinkpeedrinkpee, which takes a look at our ability to convert urine into houseplant fertilizer or even drinking water. The creatives behind the project, Britta Riley and Rebecca Bray, have since unleashed a DIY Fertilizer kit on their project page.

Tweet Pee is currently more interested in drinking his own tap water, but thinks such a kit might come in handy if he's ever trapped under a bookcase after an earthquake and can't reach the faucet.

via BoingBoing

Oh The Places I Go: Two For Tuesday

Life's been a little busy for Tweet Pee as of late. He's been slacking in his mission to show you some of the finest Pee spots in all of NYC. The past few days saw two new entrants into the Urinal Hall of Fame.

The first place Tweet Pee spelled relief on Saturday evening was at Brownstone Billiards/Oceans 8 on Flatbush Ave. in Park Slope. The bathroom had two urinals, including one on the short side. Though I didn't have to get on my tippy toes for the tall one, being a not-so-tall person himself Tweet Pee showed solidarity with his below average height brethren and whizzed it up at the low set latrine.

It wasn't until Monday when Tweet Pee took in the Best Picture-winning Slumdog Millionaire at the Pavilion Theater off of Prospect Park that he found himself at yet another unfamiliar urinal. There were three of those and two stalls that he found upon entry and seeing as the door to the Men's room did not close very well, Tweet Pee found himself shuffling through the narrow space to the second urinal so that his best friend (seeing as he doesn't have a dog) could not be seen by bathroom passers by. It was a tight fit, but Tweet Pee and his Pee Pee passed with flying colors before taking in the excellent film.

Sorry to leave all of my eager readers hanging. We know you've been thirsty for more Tweet Pee news and there's not enough toilet water to tide you over. It won't happen again.

Urine The Movies: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

Update: Urine Luck...Barry Bonds!

It seems like just yesterday Tweet Pee was boasting of the busted-ness of Baseball Star Barry Bonds thanks to the seal being broken on Federal Records seized from BALCO way back in 2003. The records seemed to indicate that Bonds' pee was not exactly roid-free.

Despite the incriminating scent emanating from his urine samples, a judge ruled yesterday that "Exhibit P" in the Bonds' case was as good as flushed. Claiming the Steroid Slugger's stream samples as inadmissible evidence due to the fact that prosecutors were not able to conclusively show that they belonged to Bonds, U.S. district court judge Susan Illston threw the baby (or in this case the urine) out with the bathwater (or in this case, the toilet water). She also threw out the potential use of doping calendars (exhibit Q) maintained by Bonds' trainer Greg Anderson...meaning that in order to nail the mercurial SuperAsshole Athlete, Bonds' trainer himself would have to testify...which is unlikely.

The whole thing seems to put a damper (pun always intended) on the idea of seeing Bonds behind bars for lying to a grand jury, seeing as there is no perm(p)issible evidence. Oh well, so much for that.

Favorite Things Friday: Water Guns

Long ago Tweet Pee vowed that it was time to put away childish things. Fortunately, when he put them away he stored them in a bin labeled "childish things' just in case he felt like picking them back up again. If you visited that storage area right now you'd be able to find at least four different incarnations of today's topic for Friday's Favorite things, The Water Gun.

Yes, not only is a water gun the perfect toy to excite children about the prospect of potentially going to war when they get older, but unleashing that deadly flow from a super soaker bears an uncanny resemblance to the sort of action one gets after being stuck on three hour car ride and finally making it to the bathroom to drain one's bladder. The pump action release turns a plastic toy into a howitzer, much like your pee-pee awaiting a long delayed whiz.

The results are more or less frozen ropes of liquid that can tag a target at 20 yards. Both are weapons of mass soak action. Though after long car rides Tweet Pee does not recommend trying to hit a moving human target with your bladder stream. You'll probably get your ass kicked. Stick to the bowl/urinal...and for simulating the urgent flow, stick to the water gun, Tweet Pee's favorite thing for this Friday.

Today In History: Ozzy Remembers To Go On The Alamo

Everybody has to "go" some time. Though it's certainly more interesting when super famous people do it and get in trouble for it; then it goes right down in the annals of pee history. One such historic event took place twenty-seven years ago today, when the Ozzy Osbourne (a.k.a. The Blizzard of Oz, a.k.a guy who used to bite the heads off of flying animals) breezed into to San Antonio, Texas and tinkled on it's most famous landmark.

No, the Ozzman didn't goeth on famed San Antonio native Tommy Lee Jones or the Spurs various NBA championship trophies, instead he chose to relieve himself on the building that supposedly housed Pee-Wee Herman's bike. If you haven't figured out what we're getting at...Ozzy took a whiz on The Alamo!

As the story goes, just after 11am on the morning of February 19th, 1982, the drunken Prince of Darkness himself (wearing his soon-to-be wife Sharon's dress), moseyed on over and let loose on the historic site where Santa Anna and his Mexican Army of 2,000 strong defeated the military forces of Texas back in 1836, in the most famous battle of The Texas Revolution.

The heavy metal icon was taken into police custody and he never drank again or peed again. The end. Actually that's not true. Ozzy was promptly banned from setting foot in San Antonio for the next decade. All's well that ends well though, when Ozzy finally returned he donated $10,000 to the landmark he desecrated with his bodily fluids. What a guy!

If Urine Israel, Urine For A Political Fight

Israeli Politics isn't one of the topics on which Tweet Pee enjoys pontificating, mostly because he does not have a breadth of knowledge on the subject. All he knows is that there was an election recently and that they still haven't figured out who will be their next Prime Minister.

As a late comer to the carnival that is the race to control the Knesset, the only real fact that Tweet Pee has learned is that one party alone in this campaign stood up for the people's right to not get urinated on by a man on a diving board. That party was Brit Olam, or the "For Our Children Party."



Brit Olam's campaign commercial urged voters not to "let them pee on us anymore" and Tweet Pee is assuming that this message rang out loud and clear, proving wildly successful unless the majority of the Israelis are indeed fetishists or their urine tastes like Formula Pee. We're not sure who Brit Olam's lead candidate was, but we're sure he'll enjoy a fruitful run as Israeli Prime Minister should he keep his penchant for delivering poolside golden showers in his pants.

Urine For A Treat

There were many wonderful candy choices for Tweet Pee growing up. Fun Dip, Nerds, and of course yellow life savers were always heavy on the mind of his sweet tooth. All of those tasty treats came in distinctly different packages, but each one seemed to make sense for the deliciousness they dispensed. Life savers came in a roll, Fun dip in the packet with the stick, and Nerds had the two seperate chambers filled with crunchy, candy goodness.

Common sense seemed to reign supreme in the commercial design world when it came to containing precious bits of sugar-coated goodness, but still something wasn't right. The Royal we couldn't help but feel that there was still room for improvement. It wasn't until today that Tweet Pee realized exactly what was missing in the confectionery cosmos.


Luckily, someone figured out the great packaging mystery that has plagued the Sweets Universe for all this time. Who knows, if it weren't for the folks at Nifty Candy we, as a society, might have never figured out that we should be enjoying sour liquid candy with tangy lemon flavor from an actual urine specimen jar. Praise the lord, Tweet Pee has seen the light.


The golden liquid is not the only option being offered as part of their line of Medicinal Candy. Also available in the former pee pods are colorful and yummy kidney stones, cure-all candy pills, and the overtly therapeutic "Sour Spanks Jelly Beans."

If enjoying a stream sample in a jar is not your thing, then urine luck. You can have your pick of bodily fluids litter and enjoy samples of saccharine-heavy saliva, honeyed hemoglobin, and of course, even more candied pee as part of the company's "Crime Scene Candy." Mmm...Mmmm...maybe.



Via Nerd Approved

Tweet Pee's Lyrical Flow: Public Enemy

"I urinated on the state, while I was kickin' this song."

Chuck D of Public Enemy- "By The Time I Get To Arizona"
from the Album Apocalypse 91...The Enemy Strikes Black

Urine The Movies: Cheech & Chong's Next Movie

Oh The Places I Go: Tweet Pee's Lower East Side Adventure

Last night, Tweet Pee hit up the town for some serious misadventures in hitting the sauce. Luckily there was no babysitting involved. That would've been a lost cause. The first stop on Tweet Pee's Tour De Flow was Rosario's Pizza on Orchard and Stanton, where both a plain slice and a Margherita slice were scarfed down along with a small bottle of water to make Tweet Pee feel like a river and let the water overflow. Curiously, the bathroom at Rosario's had a poster of San Sebastian, Spain. While Rosario's makes some fine Italian cuisine, they don't necessarily do their part in contributing to their home country's tourism industry as Tweet Pee had the urge to stream live content from Spain afterwards.

Next up on the pee program was a move to The Annex, where Tweet Pee enjoyed some fine music courtesy the artists performing at the Poptank Records showcase. In between some excellent performances Tweet Pee made a p-line for the Men's room where he showed he was indeed a "whiz kid" and despite not having stickers like the members of Maniacal Plan who had gone before him, could urinate with the best of them.

The night wore on and Tweet Pee in friends thought to end he evening in quieter, more relaxed confines. The final destination for revelry and the emptying of wasteful fluids was none other than the Parkside Lounge on Attorney and Houston. The toilet seat at that establishment had a little too much tinkle juice on it for Tweet Pee's taste but luckily he never had to take the seated position. Instead he got to stare at more stickers advertising the awesomeness of Midnight Fistfight, Buteo, and Vivid Alt, prompting Tweet Pee to either want to look them all up later or take aim at their names.

Having to go at least three times while in the establishment, Tweet Pee also opted to try the ladies room, which he found completely lacking in advertisements. Apparently those interested in vandalism in the name of commerce believe men to be a perfect target audience. Or maybe they just hold their "going" space to be more sacred. Tweet Pee certainly understands that. Alas, the Sunday evening urinary adventure had to end sometime and thus Tweet Pee returned home to enjoy a snack and a tinkle before heading off to dreamland, fully satisfied with all the places he went.

Oh, The Places I Go: Sthree for Saturday

Tweet Pee is pretty sure that based on all of the places he has been up to this point, you'd more or less be able to triangulate his position in the New York City area. In attempts to throw you off the scent, Tweet Pee decided to diversify his target destinations this fine evening. Originally, he had the full intention of declaring that indeed "Ich ein ein stockbesoffen" but instead of ending up at a German beer bar on the lower east side, he ended up at three regular bars spread out both downtown and in Brooklyn.

Tweet Pee's first alcoholic outing occurred at the Spring Lounge at 48 Spring St and Mulberry. Tweet Pee was immediately alarmed as he closed the door on this water closet, as he realized that there was no lock on the door. One person walked in on him, but the angle was not good enough for a show to take place, so the incident was followed by calm.

Following the shared incident Tweet Pee made his way to the West Village for a little bit of dinner action. Along with a solid few seconds of stream, Tweet Pee enjoyed several slices of Za at John's Pizzeria to fill his fat belly.

The evening was no bust though as Tweet Pee kept the party rollin'. His final place of pee-tronage was back in his home borough of Brooklyn. Tweet Pee found stream satisfaction at Commonwealth in Park Slope...as he thought o himself, what a wonderful world.

Oh, The Places I Go: Personal Residence- Ft. Greene

Tweet Pee likes to go out on the town, but when he does it's not always at a place where an unlimited amount of civilians get to water some toilet seeds. Some times he visits friends and sometimes he empties his bladder into their bowls. Tonight was one such occasion as Tweet Pee attended a lovely dinner at a friend's house in Fort Greene.

The house in question was the rarest of animals in that it was a two bedroom, two bathroom affair. It's not often you get that sort of bedroom to bathroom ratio in New York City, but there Tweet Pee was. Luckily, Tweet Pee drank enough to have to utilize both of the johns. And wouldn't you know it, photos were snapped of both.

Favorite Things Friday: Indoor Plumbing

Happy Friday everyone. As you well know, or should know by now since you've been following Tweet Pee for so long, Friday is the day where we take a look at some of our favorite things. We don't give them away like Oprah does, but that doesn't matter because most of those things are already in your possession or can be easily bought in your local grocery store.

Our favorite thing for this Friday is kind of obvious. Without it we wouldn't have a pot to piss in. Actually we would, but it would be just that, a pot. Yes, our favorite thing this Friday is none other than INDOOR PLUMBING. Without the miracle of indoor plumbing we'd all be taking whizzes out the window and soaking unsuspecting and subsequently angry passers by. Or we would have some sort of receptacle in our rooms where whenever we got the urge to splurge, one would just go in it and leave it be until the stench got so bad they tossed it out the window, soaking an unsuspecting passer by.

Even worse, without this true mark of civilization we might have to use outhouses in the dead of winter, or just use a certain wall in our homes that we designate the waste wall. Either way, it would be very unsanitary. So civilized people of the world, thank your lucky stars for indoor plumbing. Tweet Pee does every day. It's one of his favorite things.

Oh, The Places I Go: Chip Shop & Union Hall

Tweet Pee had quite an eventful night as he had the pick of litter of Brooklyn establishments to lay down his leaky law.

The first stop was the Chip Shop where Tweet Pee had the pleasure of partaking of a frosty brew and a deep fried Mars bar before letting loose as a photo of the Queen herself looked on.

With arteries newly clogged and bladder freshly drained, Tweet Pee pressed on to Union Hall where he enjoyed a drink with some wonderful company and eventually had to unleash some fluid on the classy bar's lavatory.

All in all it was an accomplished evening, the kind that people who document their own urinary processes dream about...or at least think about as they're enjoying their night out.

Pee News:Urine Japan, Urine-trading, Urine Jail

Tweet Pee wouldn't mind making a little money off of his Urine-related musings, but he would never physically extract that of others for a little loot on the side.

He's got better things to do like use his stopwatch to time every time he takes a whiz and scour the world wide web for pop culture pee moments. He more or less just doesn't have the time or the inclination to engage in such matters of the stream.

The same cannot be said for a man in Japan (Tweet Pee likes how that rhymes) who was nabbed by Japanese cops (are there any other kind there?) for distributing leaflets roadside to female high school students, alerting them of his intent to purchase their pee.

At the time of his arrest, the #1 enthusiast for feminine flow (see what we did there?) was carrying a conical flask and a Tupperware box to store their secretions. The leak freak told police that he got the idea when he heard a conversation between two high school girls that went as follows:

“How do you make extra money?”

“I’m selling my urine, it goes for a high price.”

And with that he was inspired. According to the previously alluded to leaflet, he was buying both bodily fluids and underwear, amongst other things, with prices ranging from ¥2,000~¥4,000. Tweet Pee isn't sure how much that is, but it's probably more than it should be, unless those teens were drinking Goldschlager with those little gold flakes.

The sick solicitor was charged with violating youth protection laws and if Tweet Pee had any grasp of the Japanese justice system, he might be able to tell you what kind of pee-nalty said offender was facing, but he can't.