Shame On You, Juggalos!

Tweet Pee loves going to concerts, though sometimes outdoor festivals give him the heebie jeebies on account that he'll most likely have to unleash his waste stream of consciousness in the stench centers known as port-a-potties.

Usually Tweet Pee looks for an alternative tract of nature reserve to let the remaining bladder blasts sufficiently fertilize some blades of grass. It's certainly an excusable and preferable option to being trapped in a god-forsaken plastic room that, given the wrong crowd, would be deemed easily tippable.

That sort of crowd was on hand for this year's 10th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos, which took place this past weekend in Hardin County, Illinois and featured awesome events like performances by the likes of Warren G and Vanilla Ice to go along with late night drunken, Flashlight wrestling. However, when a whole lot of awesome is unleashed on one site it's a usually a safe bet that a few thousand rotten apples will probably spoil the good time.

Such was the case when the supremely-talented (read "seriously annoying but still somehow relevant") Tila Tequila took the stage to sing her aptly-titled new single "I Fucked the DJ." The few aforementioned rotten apples took this performance as an opportunity to not only hurl rocks and bottles at the pint-sized MySpace starlet, but they also flung feces in Ms. Tequila's general direction.



Tweet Pee can think of a few disgusting things, but none more than the taste of fecal matter in one's mouth. That is not where the disgust ends. In fact, there are several levels of disgust in this entire equation:

Disgust level 1: Tila Tequila was booked to perform her single entitled "I Fucked the DJ"

Disgust level 2: The violent nature of the attack on Ms. Tequila, untalented as she may be. People actually picked up feces and flung it at someone, thereby proving our evolutionary descent from simian beings.

Disgust level 3: It was reported that the fecal matter thrown was also mixed in with urine, as both had been soaked into a watermelon. Well, Tweet Pee has heard some heinous things in his time, but ruining a delicious fruit of mother nature such as a watermelon with bodily waste is not one of them. The good earth has plenty of places for us to lay our waste and fertilize the land. Fruit was made for eating, or soaking in vodka and then eating. This stewing of deliciousness in bodily waste (as precious as our own urine) is something Tweet Pee finds abhorrent.

As is the case, Tweet Pee is totally turned off by this blatant misuse of both urine and nature and shan't be attending next year's "Gathering of the Juggalos" even if it is promised that he'll make 10 new best friends and Sweet Sugar Slam guarantees him sexual favors and a performance by Snow.

Oh, The Places I Go: Brooklyn Bowl

Tweet Pee was pretty sure being invited to a place called Brooklyn Bowl would be the perfect opportunity to relaunch his labor of love to all things related to latrine and stream.
After all, what better way to celebrate the act of urination than to visit an establishment named after his favortie borough and his favorite place of piss-ness (he'd have picked urinals but for the splashback).

Upon his arrival, Tweet Pee was in for a rude awakening. Brooklyn Bowl was not a public forum where one could flush their waste along with one's inhibitions right down the toilet. It was merely a spot for knocking over some pins, chugging a few beers and then letting it flow in a substantially more private setting upstairs.


While Tweet Pee was a little disappointed over the lack of openness in terms of bodily functions at Brooklyn Bowl, at least he got to use the Brooklyn Bowl.