It's So Easy Peeing Green

Tweet Pee wanted to wish you all a Happy St. Patrick's Day. Drink plenty of green beer. If it turns your flow into a Green River...send a picture sans junk to TweetPee@gmail.com and he'll display it on the site. You won't win anything just Tweet Pee's eternal respect. Who knows though, one day when this site is huge, maybe Tweet Pee's eternal respect will be worth something.

A word to the wise though...If you just so happen to pee green without the aid of food coloring you may have a urinary tract infection and Tweet Pee suggests that you go see a doctor.

Urine The Movies: Billy Madison

Tweet Pee apologizes for the poor movie quzlity, it's all he could find on youtube.

Favorite Things Friday: Ice Cube Trays

Tweet Pee has never strayed from a little mischief. There was that time in grade school when he set his school on fire and that other time in pre-school when he set his teacher on fire. Tweet Pee really got into it in those early days. As Tweet Pee grew older though his high jinks transformed from pranks dealing with his disdain for authority into shenanigans that made other people look stupid but made him laugh heartily. With his tomfoolery trending in such a direction, Tweet Pee discovered the magic of his favorite thing this Friday, The Ice Cube Tray.

The Ice Cube Tray just so happens to be the crucial component in the trick that Tweet Pee happens to enjoy pulling out at parties most frequently. Often times while attending a bash at a house other than his own, Tweet Pee will snag the tray from the freezer and make his way to the bathroom. Seeing as he is a master of fleet footedness and covert operations, rarely does he ever have a problem sneaking the yellow hued ice-to-be into the freezer. The result is shock and eww as partygoers soon realize (or don't until someone sends an email about it) just what is that cool stink in their fresh drink. And it was all made possible by the magic of Ice Cube Trays...Tweet Pee's favorite thing for this Friday.

Oh, The Places I Go: Coyote Ugly

Tweet Pee has had a busy week hitting the town and attempting to dye it's water supply yellow. You'll have to excuse him for lagging behind on his updates. The first stop on this weeks' Tour De Flow was a bar so popular, they sort of made a movie about it. At least they used the name of the bar as the movie title. That movie and that bar of course are known as Coyote Ugly.

It wasn't long after downing a few Pabst Blue Brews that Tweet Pee found himself sauntering off to the little big boys room. It was just like he had last remembered it. It was dirty, wet, and wreaked of urine. He skipped the urinal on account that it seemed as though there were pools of mixed urine inside and splashback could be lethal if not deadly, instead opting for the somewhat more sanitary bowl.

While Tweet Pee has no idea what sort of germs may have adhered themselves to the bottom of his shoes, he felt much more relieved after having stepped out of the bathroom than having stepped in.

Celibri-pee Gossip: Since You've Been Goin'...In The Shower

It's none too often that Tweet Pee finds his somewhat puerile mind delving into the shower habits of the stars, but every once in awhile he likes to imagine Kelly Clarkson's dynamite singing voice cutting through the mist of a steam filled wash room with the words to "Since You've Been Gone" melodically blaring through the surrounding rooms.

In Tweet Pee's vision he never saw beyond the curtains, because, let's face it, a star's business is their own business. Unfortunately, the TMI gods at OK! Magazine (via Blender) had to go and sully the pristine image of the only American Idol winner to do something with her life by reporting that lil "Miss Independent" doesn't only like to sing in the shower, but that she's also too lazy to make it to the commode at times and often lets #1 loose in the place where she lathers and rinses.

Tweet Pee is now conflicted over his admiration over the music star. On one hand, he'll always love her voice, but on the other hand he would never use her shower.

Soccer Stars: They're Just Like Us

Just like Tweet Pee, International Soccer Stars get annoyed when they're asked to give daily urine samples to scientists who try to then use the pee portion to discover ways to improve their on-pitch performance. Who knew? If Tweet Pee had a dollar for every time he was irked by some nerdy scientist at the Carrington training ground angling a cup in the bushes to catch his piss, he'd be one rich blogger, which means he'd have two things in common with Cristiano Ronaldo and Wayne Rooney, who just so happen to be the peeved players in question.

Tweet Pee feels your pain guys. You don't need your pee analyzed to improve your play and neither does Tweet Pee. SOLIDARITY!

Oh, The Places I Go: Merc Bar

Tweet Pee is all class, so much so that every once in awhile he'll find himself in a classy establishment such as Merc Bar in the Soho region of Manhattan York City. It was quite the occasion when he finally strolled into the restroom at this classy joint. Tweet Pee was slightly shocked to find that such upscale institution of higher partying did not employ a washroom attendant, but hey, times are tough and supposed cutbacks make it slightly less awkward for Tweet Pee to take photos of his place of business. With less company on hand Tweet Pee gladly took a much needed whizz or two all over the urinal of his choice, which just so happened to be the only urinal in the joint. Despite the slim pickins, Tweet Pee experienced no difficulty in dispensing his number 1 favorite bodily fluid at the proper site for doing so in this environment aimed at the affluend, where the cheapest beer option cost a reasonable (cough) $8.

Oh, The Places I Go: Hugs

Tweet Pee enjoys frequenting delightful places. Sometimes said places have delightful names as well. This is the case with Hugs, located on North 6th St. in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn. While Tweet Pee certainly would not characterize the toilet area of Hugs as similarly delightful, meaning he would offer it a full body embrace, it wasn't half bad if a little cramped. The toilet basin (if that's what it's called) also had an indecipherable message written inside of it. Actually, it was probably decipherable, Tweet Pee just didn't feel like taking the time by sticking his head in the bowl to get a closer look. This should sound perfectly reasonable to you.

Urine The Movies: Austin Powers International Man of Mystery

Favorite Things Friday: Snow

With temperatures temporarily up after this past week's wintry weather, spring is fast approaching. It seems that there will be precious few, if any, opportunity for Tweet Pee to further indulge in the joys of his favorite thing this Friday...SNOW. Snow is much more than a Canadian Reggae artist from the 1990's, it's also a wonderful medium for writing one's own name when lacking a pen and paper or flag to mark your territory should you be trying to at the moment claim an icy expanse for self or country.

Not all surfaces are ideal for this practice as peeing on grass or dirt is usually absorbed in a way that fails to tell people who you are or what you've done there. Peeing on snow really allows your true colors to shine and for that it is this Friday's Favorite thing. Now if only we could get one more layer of fresh powder before March fades out like a lamb.

Oh The Places I Go: Tea Lounge

When Tweet Pee woke up this morning, the first thing he did was turn on his computer to get started on work for the day. Actually, the first thing he did was turn off his pleasant alarm ring tone and then he opened up his computer to start work for the day.

Unfortunately, there was something amiss with the Internet connection in Tweet Pee's place of residence. This forced him to take his business elsewhere, that elsewhere was the Tea Loune on Union Street Between 6th and 7th avenue in Park Slope. The music was loud, but not as invasive as it normally is there and there were also fewer unsupervised children, making for a relatively pleasant stay. In the midst of two steaming cups of Jasmine Green Tea, Tweet Pee saw fit to use the facilities within his temporary office.

The room itself was dim, smelly, and cold with a brick facade. Though it was not terribly unclean. Tweet Pee doesn't know who was in their before him but they did a good job stinking up the joint. That being said, he still wound up putting his sunshine stream through their indoor plumbing. The relief Tweet Pee felt allowed him to thoughtlessly work away for the next several hours making for a relatively productive afternoon.

Oh The Places I Go: Bar 1020

Tweet Pee is always on the "go". Well, not always, that could get messy. Last night Tweet Pee went pretty far north to the Morningside Heights section of Manhattan for a date with a lady at Bar 1020. The establishment was thick with intellectual Columbia University types speaking regurgitating the day's lectures casually over beer, but Tweet Pee only had two things on his mind...the member of the fairer sex in front of him and the john. While the jury's still out on whether the date when swimmingly, there was no doubt that the trip to the bathroom was a success.
Upon entering the restroom Tweet Pee had 2 choices (3 if you count the sink) of urine receptacle. One was a urinal which would have caused his junk to be in plain view seeing as there was no working lock on the door and a toilet at which he could clearly shield himself from anyone playing pool outside who might be hankering for a peak. Seeing as Tweet Pee is a tad self conscious, he went with the latter choice.

When all was said and done Tweet Pee had drank a few beers, tinkled twice and went his separate ways with the friendly lady. Prior to hopping in the subway he had a huge slice of pizza that seemed to be double the size of his face, but only went for $3.25. What a bargain.

March Poll: Songs in The Key of Pee

Tweet Pee has been slacking for a couple of days, but it's been a well deserved layoff as he's been bringing you loyal readers the latest in Urination for some time now and sometimes he just needs to hold it in. Now it's back to the task at hand. As promised, although a couple days late, here is the next poll question that will be living in the upper left hand corner of the site for the duration of the month. So without any further ado.

What is your favorite song about Urination?

"The Safety Dance"- Men Without Hats



"Yellow"- Coldplay

"Piss On The Wall"- The J. Geils Band


"Don't Eat The Yellow Snow" - Frank Zappa



"Right Here Waiting"- Richard Marx

Celibri-pee Gossip: Brad Pitt Loomed Over At London Loo

Tweet Pee has a riddle for you. What's tall, famous and can't seem to "go" in peace? If you guessed Dolph Lundgren in the 1990 film I Come In Peace, you'd be wrong. The answer is none other than international film sensation, the masculine half of the most famous couple in the world and Kickapoo High School's favorite grad, Brad Pitt.

Apparently Benjamin Button himself was recently at a pub in the Soho section of London, when the Oscar-nominated actor got up to take a leak in the loo. (Stars, they're just like us!) Unfortunately, on his way to the W.C. , the adoptive father of Angelina Jolie's matronly ambitions found himself swarmed by six awe-ful fans who proceeded to shuffle after him as he made his way to paint the town's water supply yellow.

Tweet Pee isn't sure what the moral of this story is. Maybe it's that if you become famous, you should always be equipped with a catheter to avoid awkward bathroom moments on the town or maybe it's that the act of urination is only remotely interesting when celebrities do it...or on try #3 it could be that privacy should always be extended as a common courtesy whenever someone no matter who is relieving oneself. Tweet Pee is sticking with that last one.

So remember readers, even if you see someone as famous as Scott Baio heading into a urinal, do not follow them. Pee Time is "Me Time" and certainly not your time.

February Pee Poll Results

Tweet Pee likes to be in touch with his readers. He doesn't like to touch his readers...they can touch themselves, but in an effort to really get a feel for the interests of those who peruse the contents of The Life and Streams (or as he likes to call it TLASOTP) Tweet Pee decided that he should post a reader poll. After nearly an entire month sitting in the upper left hand corner of the site that poll has finally closed and now Tweet Pee is set to reveal the final results of the all important question he posed to his readers, the question that asked, "What is your preferred method of Urination?"

Well the votes have been tallied and according to the results 50% of people prefer to pee in the pool when no one is looking. Tweet Pee is absolutely shocked that this method won out over more traditional ways of releasing urine such as "standing up" or "in a bathtub with a midwife" but the results speak for themselves. Tweet Pee is not sure whether the sample size of eight participants is enough to turn this poll into a valid scientific study. We'll have to check with New England Journal of Medicine or Psychology Today and we'll get back to you when we do. In the meantime, to make this appear like a legitimate study, Tweet Pee has taken great pains to make a chart using a real computer program.

Oh The Places I Go: Streaming Weekend Recap

Tweet Pee went all over the place this weekend, but he managed to keep his flow under control. Three new sites were added to Tweet Pee's ever growing field guide to the places he streams. Two of the bathrooms in question were in private residences.

On Friday night Tweet Pee ventured out to an apartment party in Nolita or wherever Elizabeth Street north of Grand is considered to be. It's a netherworld between Little Italy and China town. The apartment had two sparkling restrooms but since there were people doing various drugs in another of the restrooms Tweet Pee stuck to the one unencumbered by flared nostrils.

The following evening Tweet Pee returned to his old stomping grounds at the Parkside lounge but waited until he hit the Mercury Lounge where he took in a rock show, before painting the town yellow not once, but twice. Afterwords it was right back to Parkside where Tweet Pee didn't bother to photographic evidence of the toilet since it had previously been procured.


The weekend didn't end there as the next day Tweet Pee went to his familial home in the suburbs for a lovely meal with Momma Tweet Pee. Before returning to the big city though, Tweet Pee made sure to visit the restroom of his youth. The only difference was that the wallpaper and toilet he had a brief love affair with tinkling all over as a child had been replaced by tiling and a decidedly newer model of commode, further proof that things change. Oh well. Stay tuned for more places I go and exclusive urinary news from Tweet Pee.

Urine The Movies: The Program